06: Why Progress Over Perfection Matters More Than Ever in Midlife

Glowing Through Midlife: Embracing Progress Over Perfection

In this episode of Midlife and Glowing, sisters Alicia and Nicole discuss the 'I'll be happy when' trap that many women fall into, especially during midlife. They emphasize the importance of meeting yourself where you are with compassion and small, daily shifts rather than striving for perfection. Key topics include the impact of unrealistic expectations and social media, the significance of practicing gratitude and self-compassion, and tips for making manageable changes in exercise, nutrition, and stress management. 

00:00 Welcome to Midlife and Glowing
00:28 The 'I'll Be Happy When' Trap
01:17 Living in the Present Moment
03:51 The Impact of Social Media on Self-Perception
07:25 Embracing Flexibility and Small Wins
11:54 Easing into Healthier Habits
13:24 The Power of Deep Breaths
14:57 Embracing Imperfect Self-Care
16:06 Dressing for Your Current Body
17:18 Midlife: A Time for Self-Discovery
18:32 Choosing Your Best Self
20:18 Conclusion and Free Guide

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Transcript

0:00

Welcome to Midlife and Glowing, where we're all about glowing through midlife with more energy, confidence, and joy. We're sisters, Alicia and Nicole, wellness lovers, beauty enthusiasts, and your new midlife Hype squad. Here we talk about the real stuff, wellness, rituals, hormone health, self-care, beauty style, and everything that helps you feel like yourself again, because midlife doesn't have to be a downward spiral. It could be your best era yet, let's glow through it together.

Nicole: 0:28

In this episode, we're breaking down the, I'll be happy when trap that keeps so many women stuck and sharing a better way to glow through midlife by meeting yourself exactly where you are with compassion, strength, and small daily shifts that add up over time.

Alicia: 0:43

Yeah. This was something I was thinking about the other day'cause I was, I don't remember what the scenario was, but I was thinking, oh, I'll be happy when you know, X, Y, and Z happens. And I. I stopped and I thought about that and I'm like, why am I doing that? Why does this have to happen for me to be happy about that? Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 1:04

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 1:04

Why am I not meeting myself where I am?

Nicole: 1:07

Yeah.

Alicia: 1:07

And being happy with where I am.

Nicole: 1:10

Yeah.

Alicia: 1:10

Then hoping and wishing for something that is not here

Nicole: 1:14

yet.

Alicia: 1:15

Right now.

Nicole: 1:16

Right. Yeah.

Alicia: 1:16

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 1:17

I think a lot of us get wrapped up in that, and that is an easy mindset to get stuck in. The, oh, I'll be happy with my body when I'm a size, whatever, insert size. Mm-hmm. Right.

Alicia: 1:29

I'll be happy when I'm making more money. Right. I'll be happy when I move up in my career. Mm-hmm. I'll be happy when I can go on vacation. Mm-hmm. Right. like these are all great things to look forward to, but why are we not happy in the present right where we are at that moment. Yeah.

Nicole: 1:49

Yeah, it makes you miss out on a lot of joy and it makes you miss out on the life that you have Right now there's, I guess, quotes are special to mom too because she's got quotes, little plaques of quotes all over her house, and I was noticing in the bathroom this morning. One that said yesterday's your history. Tomorrow's your future. Today is your life. Live it. And

Alicia: 2:14

I love that.

Nicole: 2:14

We get so wrapped up in something that might happen or that we want to happen or that hasn't happened yet, that we forget about how special and important this moment is. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And it makes us miss out on what's happening right now. Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 2:28

And you know, the same can be said for like worry.

Nicole: 2:33

Oh yeah.

Alicia: 2:33

And anxiety. It's like we spend so much time worrying about things that may never even happen.

Nicole: 2:39

Right.

Alicia: 2:40

Instead of just being present.

Nicole: 2:42

Yeah.

Alicia: 2:43

And you know, it's,

Nicole: 2:44

it robs you of your joy

Alicia: 2:45

Yeah.

Nicole: 2:45

In the, in the moment.

Alicia: 2:47

Yeah. It is so easy to do and a lot of us get, get caught up in that trap. But, you know, you gotta decide if, you know, when I start to worry about something, I'm like. Why? Why? Mm-hmm. That could never even happen. I'm wasting my time and my joy.

Nicole: 3:04

Right.

Alicia: 3:05

Worrying about something that

Nicole: 3:08

might not even come

Alicia: 3:09

that probably won't even happen. You know, and I think that comes from this expectation of what you think of your life should be. Mm-hmm. You know, in this perfection mindset, right? Like everything needs to be perfect and you know you're not going to be happy until you're have this house or this car, or you know, you got mm-hmm. You get so caught up in. Striving for the things, and it's like, why don't we get so caught up in striving for this place of, of being content. Mm-hmm. And happy,

Nicole: 3:41

appreciating,

Alicia: 3:42

and joy. Yep. And you know, all those things. Because at the end of the day, that's all that matters. Yeah. The cars don't matter. Right. The house doesn't matter. You know, and I think a lot of where our kind of negative self-talk comes from is social media plays a big role in what you perceive as perfection. Mm-hmm. And where you think you should be or what you should look at. And you know, it can be very, social media can be very dangerous because

Nicole: 4:17

Yeah.

Alicia: 4:17

I'll, you know, a lot of people are using filters, so that's not even really what they look like. Right. You know, they're showing you the most fabulous parts of their life and not really,

Nicole: 4:27

which may not even be a reality.

Alicia: 4:29

Right. It's not showing you the real. Mm-hmm. Which I'm not saying you need to show the real show what you wanna show, or don't show what you want to show.

Nicole: 4:36

Yeah.

Alicia: 4:36

But I think that you can get so caught up in. All of that.

Nicole: 4:41

Yeah. Striving for something to live up to some standard that might be unrealistic. Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 4:48

It's just a small facet of what they wanna show you.

Nicole: 4:51

Right.

Alicia: 4:51

You're not seeing the whole picture.

Nicole: 4:53

Yeah.

Alicia: 4:53

And it's such a dangerous way of thinking then that you need to keep up with the Joneses as they say, and it robs you of being content in your own life.

Nicole: 5:04

Right And I think, if we focus on things like gratitude and appreciating where we are in each moment and developing awareness, around making sure we incorporate more joy in our lives mm-hmm. And that we are paying attention to what's happening now is sort of the way around that, the way to, you know, sift through those things that might not be realistic and just remember

Alicia: 5:31

to meet yourself where you are.

Nicole: 5:33

Right.

Alicia: 5:33

And to be content. And I'm not saying don't strive for better.

Nicole: 5:37

Yeah. We can do both. We can. Mm-hmm. We can We can be happy with where we are and want more at the same time, it's not bad to want more. It's when you want that so much that you can't appreciate yourself or your life or your situation right now. Remembering to focus on gratitude for all of the wonderful things in your life at this moment. And also, yes, it's totally great to, to want more. Mm-hmm. and to strive for more, but not forgetting to keep the gratitude and the awareness of what is going on in the present moment, and not allowing those things to rob you of your life that's happening right now. Mm-hmm. That I think is also the foundation for real growth, too. Accepting where you are, being grateful for all of those things allows you to experience real growth in your life and then also appreciate that mm-hmm then when you do get there,

Alicia: 6:36

how far you've come.

Nicole: 6:37

Mm-hmm. Yep. Right,

Alicia: 6:39

and your journey.

Nicole: 6:40

Yeah.

Alicia: 6:40

Appreciate your journey.

Nicole: 6:41

That's right. yeah. Life isn't about the destination, it's about the journey. Yep. And also in addition to letting go of the unrealistic scenario that can happen on social media, also, unrealistic timelines, right? Like we think we should be at a certain place or whatever in life by a certain age, and we, you know, get down on ourselves or allow it to ruin how we're feeling in the moments if we're not there. So I think letting go of, and we might be setting unrealistic expectations for ourselves. Mm-hmm. I think we do that. I think that's a really common. Factor as well that sets us up for feeling disappointed because we set these unrealistic expectations. Mm-hmm. And then also when it comes to this idea that we have for perfection or what we think we need to be doing, or setting these unrealistic expectations for ourselves, things evolve in midlife anyway. Your body, your energy, your goals, what you want in life, that all shifts and evolves and it really is most helpful. I think if we can get into more flexible thinking and kind of ditch the rigid, the all or nothing, the perfectionist mindset that we tend to get stuck in. Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 7:57

Yeah. I'm definitely guilty of, of that. Yeah.

Nicole: 8:01

Like

Alicia: 8:02

wise

Nicole: 8:03

Yeah, you are, Yeah. And, and progress might look slower at sometimes. And that's okay. We have to give ourselves grace and meet ourselves where we are. Several of our episodes, we've mentioned these small shifts being extremely important for overall positive growth and those small shifts add up. Mm-hmm. so let's talk about what like, what does this look like when we talk about how can we meet ourselves, where we are? How can we choose progress over perfection? What are some examples of ways that we can do that in our everyday lives? When it comes to your exercise routine, you might choose a 15 minute walk instead of a hardcore workout. We've also talked about how important it is to develop awareness around how you're feeling and what your body is telling you, and that's a really great way to prevent yourself.

Alicia: 8:59

Burnout.

Nicole: 8:59

Yeah, burnout and prevent falling off the wagon, and so to speak, by just listening to your body and choosing something that feels doable in the moment, even if it's not perfect. Even if it's not your 30 to 40 minute heavy lifting session or whatever it is. Choosing something that is going to make you feel better, even if it's not what you had intended or expected of yourself.

Alicia: 9:23

Yeah. Sometimes if I get up and I'm like, not today, then I might actually start my day. Mm-hmm. And later in the day mm-hmm. I might feel better. Sure. And I'll do my workout then. Instead of forcing it in the morning Sure. When I'm not feeling it. And then I'm still getting my movement, but it's just a different time of day. A different time. Yeah. I mean, I like doing mine in the morning. But sometimes it just does not happen. Mm-hmm. Maybe I have appointments, maybe I have things that I need to do and I tried waking up earlier, but it's just not happening.

Nicole: 9:58

Yeah. No, I, I I'm with you on that and I think that's a great. Way to offer yourself flexibility And then also not beating yourself up if it doesn't happen. I'm a little bit different in the way that I know myself, and I know that if I don't do it right away, I probably won't get to it later in the day unless I'm going for a walk and using that as my mode of exercise for the day, which I might do, but the way that I might meet myself where I am in that scenario is I would just choose a lower intensity workout or choose a different form of movement at that point in time, or even a shorter workout, maybe I would say, okay, I'm not feeling it today, so I'm just going to do 10 minutes and see how I feel

Alicia: 10:39

There's so many different alternatives mm-hmm. That you could do instead of pushing it. Where it might burn you out. Mm-hmm. Or make you feel like you're a failure or you know. Those negative thoughts give the whole exercise a negative tone in your mind.

Nicole: 10:56

Right. Another one that I think trips people up is nutrition and they feel like, oh, if I can't get it perfect, if I can't get it right, then I'm just not gonna do it. Mm-hmm. But if you could just swap one meal a day to be blood sugar friendly without overhauling everything, that's a positive step in the right direction. That is definitely a win. And we have to focus on those small wins, celebrate those small wins When we aren't perfect with everything. It is okay. You can get back on track with your next meal or snack. When it comes to nutrition, if you're starting out and maybe you're starting with a diet that's not super healthy, maybe you currently consume a lot of ultra processed foods, high sugar. You'll be more likely to succeed if you start with those small wins. Those 1% changes over time add up to big results, and we need to be celebrating even the smallest things, even swapping out one of those sugar sweetened beverages. Mm-hmm. If that's all that you start with, that's still movement in the right direction towards better health and helping you feel better.

Alicia: 11:57

Yeah, I think a lot of us get, so I'm guilty too. Like I dive headfirst. Mm-hmm. You know, and I'm like, I'm gonna do this and I'm changing everything. And then you're surprised when you kind of really fall off the wagon. Yeah. And you wind up worse than you were before because you set yourself up to fail. Right. Where if you would just kind of. ease your way in. Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 12:26

Start with maybe one meal and get comfortable. Do that until it feels easy. Mm-hmm. And comfortable. And it becomes more of a habit. Right. When we change our, our lifestyle habits, it's always hard at first. But if we just start with one thing and get good at that. Then we can add in the next piece and get good at that. Then you add in the next piece and eventually, It doesn't feel hard, but when you start, if you're trying to do too much There's too many pieces that are difficult, and if you just started with a small part, it would feel easier. You would set yourself up for success. You would feel those small wins, and then that would help you build momentum so that you can eventually get to a place where you're happy with your entire

Nicole Maholy (Detached audio): 13:13

nutrition

Nicole: 13:14

plan. But. trying to get it all right completely overhaul everything in one go can be really tricky and set you up for disappointment. Mm-hmm. Another way we can implement progress over perfection is by taking five deep breaths before reacting to stress, this is a tough one.

Alicia: 13:32

This is. This is. You're always so prone to react. Yeah. Before you take a minute. And really, and you might be having regret over your

Nicole: 13:44

reaction, really Mm-hmm. because if you take a minute, you can respond in a way that you actually feels aligned with, you know, how you want your behavior to be. Right? Mm-hmm. So. it's definitely challenging, but it leads to less stress in the long run. Mm-hmm. Well, on the other side of that is when you're taking those five deep breaths, you're activating your parasympathetic nervous system too. Right? So you're supporting your body's relaxation response and then in the long run. When stress comes up, you're sort of priming your body and teaching your body how to respond to stress in a more effective, efficient way too. So you're really training your body. That's why meditation and deep breathing practices are most helpful when you can be consistent with them, because then when you get into a situation of stress, your body knows what that relaxation response feels like. Right. You've kind of primed that pump to be able to shift into that relaxation response more efficiently and effectively. But it doesn't have to be this 45 minute, perfect meditation, just five deep breaths can be enough to help your body respond to stress better.

Alicia: 14:57

Another practice is starting a self-care ritual, even if it's imperfect or messy. Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 15:03

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 15:03

You know, it could be setting up a bedtime routine.

Nicole: 15:06

Yeah. and that's a good example of one that can be imperfect or messy, right? Mm-hmm. Because all kinds of things can impact that.

Alicia: 15:12

Yeah. If you have a early bedtime

Nicole: 15:14

mm-hmm.

Alicia: 15:15

And Yep. Like you do, you know, and we have family gatherings, right. You know? Yeah. The kids have a sporting event. Mm-hmm. Or whatever it is. You may not be home even

Nicole: 15:27

yeah

Alicia: 15:27

when you would normally like to start your bedtime routine or winding down for the night. Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 15:32

Right. Because I definitely love going to bed early, but also I don't wanna miss out on things that would make my life joyful, like meeting with my family later. Mm-hmm. And, and different events and

Alicia: 15:44

Yeah. For those of us

Nicole: 15:44

social outings

Alicia: 15:45

that don't have the, uh, eight o'clock bedtime, you know, we sometimes are still rocking and rolling Yeah. Playing games. Mm-hmm. Or whatever. You miss out on all that.

Nicole: 15:55

Right. So I do stay up later than I would like to some nights so that I can enjoy those things too. Mm-hmm. And then the next night, go to bed even earlier.

Alicia: 16:06

Another thing is sticking with clothes that fit your current body instead of buying the smaller size for where you used to be. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And you know, sometimes when you are like, oh, these pants are getting tighter. It's like you immediately jump to. Yeah. You know, you're like, oh my God, I don't wanna be in this size. And it's like, you know what, meet yourself where you are. The reality is your body's changing. Mm-hmm. And Instead of being uncomfortable. With those pants that are too tight, go up a size. Right. You know you can even go to the thrift store. Right. Overhaul your wardrobe at the thrift store. I love,

Nicole: 16:44

there we

Alicia: 16:45

Going to the thrift store. You don't need to spend a lot of money. Right. To be comfortable.

Nicole: 16:48

Yeah. And you'll feel better about yourself. Mm-hmm. When you do that, Yes. When you are comfortable,

Alicia: 16:53

and when you are wearing clothes that fit you. Mm-hmm. Not only is it more comfortable Yeah, but confident. Oh yeah. Your confidence. Right. You know, like if you wearing something that's tight. It might bring out some lumps and bumps mm-hmm. That make you then self-conscious and then it goes down this whole spiral. Right. Just buy the clothes that fit. It doesn't matter what size that is.

Nicole: 17:14

Right.

Alicia: 17:14

Like you can wear your clothes more confidently then.

Nicole: 17:17

Mm-hmm. I do think that's a big one for perimenopausal women, because that is sort of a tough pill to swallow.

Alicia: 17:25

You know, especially coming off of our twenties and, and early thirties Where we could kind of eat more unhealthy. Mm-hmm. And not worry about the fluctuation in weight. Mm-hmm. And now our metabolisms are changing with our hormones, Mm-hmm. so it's like, instead of beating yourself up over why you can't go on like you have

Nicole: 17:46

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 17:46

been. Mm-hmm. And, you know, keeping, maintaining your weight. Yeah. It's okay. Right. It's all part of these shifting times for us in our midlife,

Nicole: 17:55

I think your goals for yourself shift too. So you mentioned in your twenties and thirties you can kind of get away with that and also you don't care as much about your health at those ages, right?'cause you're just more healthy. Like, you just generally feel better when you're mm-hmm. Most people I know, not everybody does, but a lot of people in their twenties and early thirties aren't thinking about their long-term health versus when you start to get older, when you're starting to get into those perimenopause years, mm-hmm. you do start thinking about that. You start thinking about your long-term health and your goals change. So you're just naturally you're more interested even in eating healthier too. Midlife shouldn't be about chasing that old version of yourself. It should be about shifting into your strongest, mm-hmm most aligned version of yourself yet. And really stepping into the version of yourself that you want to be, you know, that you choose right. When you're younger, You're kind of going through life sort of in autopilot. Mm-hmm. In default mode. Right. You're not always intentionally choosing

Alicia: 18:58

Well and you're growing up, you're experiencing adulthood mm-hmm for the first time. Yeah. You know, you're out from under your parents' roofs Where you're being told what to do or taken care of or you know, all of those things. And now you're on your own. So you're essentially learning yourself. Yeah. And you know, now by midlife you've been through some shit.

Nicole: 19:21

Mm-hmm. Right? Yeah.

Alicia: 19:22

You know,

Nicole: 19:22

you've figured a few things out by now.

Alicia: 19:24

Yes. And you've gained the maturity and with those life experiences you've

Nicole: 19:31

had. Yeah. To be able to choose what do I actually want

Alicia: 19:35

Right.

Nicole: 19:36

Based on the experiences that I've had. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Alicia: 19:38

And the exciting thing is now at this point, we get to choose who we wanna be. Mm-hmm. And what we wanna do.

Nicole: 19:48

Yeah. And how we wanna feel. Like what we want in our lives. Mm-hmm. What we want, how we want to strive, And the relationship that we want with ourselves. Right? Do we want to be the kind of person that puts extra stress on ourselves by expecting perfection, right? or would we prefer to give ourselves a little bit of space in, you know, slowly accomplishing things that are gonna lead to long-term health, happiness, Mm-hmm. mm-hmm. Et cetera.

Alicia: 20:15

Yeah, we get to choose how we show up. Right.

Nicole: 20:18

If today's message is resonating with you, if you're ready to start supporting your health without the pressure to be perfect, we'd love for you to grab our free daily glow rituals guide. It's full of simple, doable practices you can start layering into your days right now exactly where you are.

Alicia: 20:34

You don't need a full life overhaul to start feeling better. Just one small glow ritual at a time. You can grab it for free in our show notes. In this week's glow bite, we're gonna talk about why rest is actually a power move.

20:45

Thanks for hanging out with us on Midlife and Glowing. If you love this episode, it would mean the world to us. If you'd follow the show, leave us a review or share it with a friend who's glowing through midlife right alongside you. Let's make it our best era yet. We'll see you next time.