11: Why You Can’t Sleep in Midlife (and What Actually Helps)

If you’re tossing and turning, waking up at 3am, or dragging through the day even after 8 hours in bed—you’re not alone. In this episode, Alicia and Nicole get real about why sleep gets so hard in midlife and what actually helps.

From cortisol curve disruptions to hormonal shifts, we’re breaking down the real reasons you’re not sleeping—and the simple, science-backed ways to get more rest.

✨ Whether you’re dealing with perimenopausal insomnia, stress overload, or racing thoughts, this is your sign to stop blaming yourself and start finding solutions that work with your body—not against it.

00:17 Sleep Themed Real Talk Q&A
06:45 Understanding Sleep Changes in Perimenopause
07:09 Hormonal Impact on Sleep
10:09 Stress, Cortisol, and Sleep
15:15 Addressing Common Sleep Issues
23:48 Effective Sleep Strategies for Perimenopause
27:19 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

📌 Resources:
💤 Sleep Tips for Midlife Women That Actually Work → https://dailyglowlife.com/sleep-tips-for-midlife-women-that-actually-work/
🧘‍♀️ Radiant Rest Yoga Nidra Sessions → https://stan.store/thedailyglowlife/p/radiant-rest-yoga-nidra-sessions
📥 Free Daily Glow Rituals Guide → https://stan.store/thedailyglowlife/p/daily-glow-rituals-guide

Transcript

Alicia : 0:00

Hey there. Welcome back to Midlife and Glowing. I'm Alicia.

Nicole: 0:03

And I'm Nicole. And today we're talking about one of the most common issues women in midlife grapple with. Sleep problems.

Alicia : 0:09

Whether you're struggling to fall asleep, waking up at 3:00 AM, or just feeling exhausted no matter how many hours you get, you're not alone. Alright, before we get too deep into cortisol curves and circadian rhythms, let's have a little fun.

Nicole: 0:24

Yes, because sleep can feel so serious in midlife.

Alicia : 0:28

So we're going to do a little sleep themed real talk q and a, because you know we've got our routines, quirks, and sleep non-negotiables.

Nicole: 0:36

Okay, let's do this. What's your weirdest or most random bedtime habit?

Alicia : 0:41

I would say probably mouth taping. I, I think that's becoming more and more common, but, it looks weird. I actually didn't tell my husband before I started doing it, and he gets up before me and goes to work and you know, he turns on the bathroom light and it shines on me and he's like, what is going on?

Nicole: 1:02

Um, weirdest or most random?

Alicia : 1:05

You have a few.

Nicole: 1:06

Yeah. I do have a few, but it's funny. I don't, I don't feel like they're. They're definitely not random, but they are weird. Yeah. Like blue light blocking glasses and mouth taping, I would say are, you know, they're probably up there. I can't think of anything else that's weirder that I do. So. I'm gonna probably have to say those, those two.

Alicia : 1:27

What's your ultimate sleep sabotage move that you know you shouldn't do, but sometimes still do.

Nicole: 1:33

Ooh, I mean, probably just having a glass of wine every now and again. I really don't do it often. And I know when I do have even, even one glass of alcohol in the evening, like it doesn't even have to be close to bedtime. It can be anytime in the like evening ish, you know, like dinner time and after hours. And it will definitely negatively impact my sleep. So I know I shouldn't, but on occasion, on occasion, I sometimes do

Alicia : 2:01

Well I pretty much sabotage myself every night. I try not to, I really do try to go to bed earlier, but, um, what happens is I get in my chair when I finally allow myself to relax, uh, which I don't allow myself enough of, but I get in my chair and then I get to scrolling and I get paralyzed in my chair. And it's weird. I can't get up, I can't move. I know I need to go to bed. But I don't, so I would say I, I really try not to, but I pretty much do all the time. Or sometimes. Okay. A late night snack. I know I shouldn't. Okay.

Nicole: 2:47

Mm-hmm.

Alicia : 2:48

but the kitchen is calling me.

Nicole: 2:51

It's right there.

Alicia : 2:52

Yeah. So I, I sabotage myself a little bit more than I should, but I'm trying not to.

Nicole: 2:58

Okay. What's the most extra thing you've ever done for better sleep?

Alicia : 3:03

Okay, this isn't really extra, but like, it felt like extra to the other people in the room. I mean, I do turn on like a brown noise or something like that. And that felt extra to who I was sharing a room with. Definitely turning the air down, like making sure the temperature is cold, is the ticket and a little bit of brown noise. What about you?

Nicole: 3:30

Well, I like my nighttime rituals and like creating a really relaxing environment. So I will throw on if I'm being super extra. Where I throw on the diffuser, I lay on my mat, do a yoga nidra session, maybe do a little bit of stretching, and then I do my, all the things that I also do, right, like the mouth taping and the blue light glasses and that kind of thing. Usually, like I will say that's on a night where Chris is not, he might be at the firehouse or something, so, it's a total me night and I can just kinda do the whole shebang And It's, it's pretty fantastic. And of course that includes going to bed super early,

Alicia : 4:14

Well, naturally for you. If you could create your dream sleep setup, no budget, no kids, no pets. What would be your perfect sleep Sanctuary.

Nicole: 4:26

Okay. Dream sleep setup. Well, definitely a diffuser. A mattress that's like super cush and luxurious, but non-toxic. Also, same with sheets and bedding. Same with the pillow. And perhaps grounding sheets. It has to be super dark and super cold in that room. And include a brown noise machine as well

Alicia : 4:51

Okay. So I would say mine are pretty much the same. Like comfort. Gotta be comfort. I would add a diffuser, I like, maybe like a lavender scent or something super calming. it doesn't need to be super dark for me, but comfort, it's gotta be cold, scent, and, you know, what would be neat. I mean, this is my sanctuary, so I can make it however I want. Um, it'd be really neat to have the sound of waves, but like real waves. So I would be, you know, like ideally on a beach.

Nicole: 5:29

Yeah,

Alicia : 5:30

Yeah. I think that would be the key. And maybe even like a, a canopy'cause why not?

Nicole: 5:37

Yeah, absolutely. so the, the waves thing makes me think of our wedding moon actually. Chris and I got to stay in this little villa. It was like right on the beach, like right on the water. And we slept with the sliding doors open so we could hear the waves at night and like smell the ocean too. Mm-hmm. It was so nice. All right. What's your current sleep, non-negotiable?

Alicia : 6:01

My nighttime skincare routine. I sleep with a grounding mat, mouth tape. Yep. Gotta be cold and I need white noise or brown noise. I need some sort of noise. So I would say those are my current non-negotiables.

Nicole: 6:20

Yeah. Nice. Same. I would say my absolute non-negotiables, like if I'm not in my bed and I'm, you know, somewhere else, my definite non-negotiables are that it has to be dark and it has to be cool. But same. I also have the grounding mat at night and the mouth tape, and the brown noise too. And that has been really helpful.

Alicia : 6:41

Okay. Now that we've shared our quirks, obsessions, and non-negotiables,

Nicole: 6:45

Let's shift gears and talk about the real stuff. What's actually happening to your sleep in perimenopause and why it feels so different than it used to.

Alicia : 6:53

From hormones and blood sugar to your stress response and circadian rhythm, we're breaking down what's really going on behind those restless nights.

Nicole: 7:02

And more importantly, how to start getting the kind of deep restorative sleep your body's begging for in this season.

Alicia : 7:09

So why is it that women in perimenopause struggle with sleep so much?

Nicole: 7:14

That's a great question and as you might guess, it has a lot to do with hormones. So let's start with what's actually happening during perimenopause that makes sleep more difficult. Progesterone is often called the calming hormone, because it has sedative like effects on the brain. One of the key ways it promotes relaxation and sleep is through its interaction with a neurotransmitter called gaba. So GABA stands for gamma aminobutyric acid, and it's the brain's primary inhibitory neurotransmitter. It helps slow down brain activity, reduce anxiety and promote restful sleep. So, progesterone enhances the activity of gaba, essentially amplifying those calming signals that gaba sends. And this leads to feeling more relaxed, less anxious, and more ready for sleep, especially deep restorative sleep. But during perimenopause, as progesterone declines, its calming effect on the brain is reduced of course, which can cause increased anxiety or restlessness, difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep, lighter more disrupted sleep. So this is why in perimenopause we start struggling with anxiety, restlessness, and poor sleep, even if we've never had issues before.

Alicia : 8:25

Okay, so that's progesterone. But the most common hormone change we hear about in perimenopause is estrogen dropping. Does this have an impact on sleep as well?

Nicole: 8:35

It does. Yes. So estrogen increases the production of serotonin, which is another neurotransmitter, and it does so by stimulating an enzyme that converts tryptophan, an amino acid, into serotonin. So a lot of people probably know of tryptophan from Thanksgiving, right? Mm-hmm. Like you eat a lot of Turkey and you get tryptophan and you're more sleepy. So that amino acid is converted into serotonin with the help of estrogen. Estrogen also enhances serotonin receptor sensitivity and helps regulate the re-uptake of serotonin by keeping more available in the brain. So you have heard of serotonin for the role it plays in mood stability and stress resilience. It's often referred to as the happiness hormone, but serotonin also impacts sleep regulation because it's a precursor to melatonin, which is your sleep hormone. So low serotonin means you have more difficulty producing melatonin. So that can result in poor sleep. So as estrogen declines, serotonin levels also often drop, which leads to increased anxiety and irritability. Depression or mood swings. Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. And a little fun fact, I think a lot of us, when we think of serotonin and it being a neurotransmitter, we think of the brain and we would think that it's produced in the brain. But about 90% of the body's serotonin is actually produced in the gut, not in the brain. So this is why there's such a big connection between gut health and mental health, and why gut health can have such a strong impact on mental health.

Alicia : 10:08

Okay. Now we've talked a lot on our podcast about how we're more sensitive to stress in midlife. Does that play a role in our quality of sleep as well?

Nicole: 10:20

Definitely. So, cortisol, which we often refer to as the body's stress hormone, I think a lot of people think of cortisol and associate it with stress, but cortisol is actually released in a circadian pattern. So it's meant to rise in the morning to help you feel awake and alert and fall in the evening to allow melatonin, your sleep hormone to rise. So, when you're chronically stressed or anxious, cortisol levels can stay high at night, throwing this rhythm off. High cortisol in the evening actually reduces melatonin production Because, cortisol and melatonin work in opposition to each other. When cortisol is too high in the evening, melatonin can't rise the way that it should, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep. And then elevated cortisol keeps your nervous system stuck in that sympathetic state, that fight or flight mode, rather than the parasympathetic rest and digest mode that we need for really great deep restorative sleep. And even if you manage to fall asleep, high cortisol can reduce your time spent in deep and REM sleep, leaving you feeling unrefreshed, foggy, and wired, but tired the next day. Cortisol also impacts body temperature issues that can disrupt sleep. Normally, your core body temperature drops in the evening as melatonin rises helping to signal that it's time for sleep. So your body temperature needs to drop like one or two degrees to initiate sleep. But cortisol is a stimulating hormone, so when it's high, especially at night, it can elevate your core body temperature, making it harder for your body to cool down, which means you have a harder time getting to sleep. And then let's talk about blood sugar imbalances and how they impact sleep because cortisol can sometimes be involved here. Sometimes the issue is high cortisol because cortisol does elevate blood sugar. But sometimes it can just be blood sugar dysregulation from a diet that's high in refined carbohydrates or insulin resistance because we do deal with that more in perimenopause. And then maybe not getting enough protein to help stabilize your blood sugar. So essentially what happens is if we have high blood sugar levels at night, when that blood sugar eventually comes down, it crashes. And your body sees that as a threat and releases adrenaline to help stimulate glucose release from glycogen stores to bring those blood sugar levels back up. But as you might imagine, when your body releases adrenaline, it wakes you up and you feel like you're wide awake. So if that's you, if you wake up in the middle of the night and you're like wide awake, working on blood sugar stability might be a good place to start in supporting better sleep for you.

Alicia : 13:01

So let's shift gears and talk about circadian rhythm. We've talked about the blue light blocking glasses on our podcast, and I'm wondering, does that really have that much of an impact on your sleep?

Nicole: 13:12

Yes, it really does have that much of an impact. So your circadian rhythm is your body's internal 24 hour clock, and it's heavily influenced by light and dark cycles in your environment. And the blue light that's emitted from screens and bright overhead lighting, sends a message to your brain that it's still daytime. So daylight blue light actually inhibit melatonin production, which is the hormone that helps you fall asleep and stay asleep. So if you're on your phone or watching TV right up until bed without any way to filter out that blue light, you're basically telling your body to stay alert and that it's daytime, even if you feel tired. And that can make it harder to fall asleep, and it can also lower your sleep quality. So when you wear blue light blocking glasses in the evening, especially the amber or red tinted ones, they filter out that stimulating blue light and help your body naturally shift into sleep mode, allowing your body to produce the melatonin that you need to get great sleep. And honestly, for women in perimenopause. Where melatonin is already declining, this becomes even more important. So yeah, it might seem small uh and I know seems like a little bit of a silly type of thing because, you know, you're walking around with orange glasses. But this one can actually make a big difference in how quickly you fall asleep and how deeply you rest. And I tell you what, I've been using them for years and I know without a doubt that they help me. I mean, I can't say I've never been picked on before. Chris likes to call me Elton John every night. Um, and I'm pretty sure my nephew called me Safety Steve, when I had a pair that looked like safety glasses. They like wrapped around the side of your face. Um, yeah, they were, they were real cute. But you know what, I'm cool with that because they do the job and they help me get better sleep. So.

Alicia : 14:57

And I know for me, all of the tips and tricks that I can do to get better sleep in this time when I'm really not. Uh, you know, it's like more often than not, I don't sleep well than sleep well. So any little thing I can do, I don't care how funny I look.

Nicole: 15:14

Same.

Alicia : 15:15

All right, let's go through some of the top questions about sleep in this phase. Why is it that I have to get up and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night now?

Nicole: 15:25

I know what's up with that, right? Like this is such an annoying, annoying symptom of this stage of life. There's actually a couple factors that can contribute to this issue. So as estrogen declines, those tissues become thinner and more sensitive. So there's more sensation. Even if your bladder isn't technically full, you might still feel like you have to go. And then as women move through perimenopause, it's not just estrogen and progesterone that decline, androgens like testosterone and DHEA also drop, and they play a really big role in maintaining the pelvic floor muscle tone and supporting the strength and integrity of the bladder and urethral tissues. So when androgen levels fall, it can lead to weakened pelvic floor muscles and less structural support around the bladder. So that can make women more likely to wake up from the pressure or bladder sensitivity, again, even if your bladder isn't completely full. And then another factor is that often sleep is just more fragmented due to all of the other things that we've talked about, right? So you might just wake up from something else and you're more likely to notice that you have to go just because you're awake. Maybe that didn't specifically wake you up, but you're noticing it because you woke up.

Alicia : 16:42

So for women that struggle with night sweats or hot flashes, what causes that? And is there anything you can do about it?

Nicole: 16:50

Yeah, so hot flashes and night sweats are some of the most common and frustrating symptoms that women experience in perimenopause. They're caused by shifts in estrogen levels, which disrupt the part of your brain, the hypothalamus, that helps regulate body temperature. Now, we've talked about the hypothalamus on this podcast before. It is also the hormone control center in your brain. So in addition to being the hormone control center, it also regulates body temperature. So when estrogen fluctuates or drops, your brain gets a false signal that you're overheating, even when you're not. So it triggers a rapid, cool down response. So you'll have an increase in heart rate, blood vessel dilation, sweating, and that familiar flush of heat. So night sweats are essentially hot flashes just that happen at night, and they can wake you up multiple times a night, which takes a toll on your energy, your mood. Obviously when you have fragmented sleep like that, you're gonna be pretty fatigued. That can also then impact your hormones too, when you aren't getting the deep sleep that you need. And I should just mention too, there are other factors that can play a role here when it comes to the night sweats and hot flashes, abnormal thyroid hormone function, and then we talked earlier about cortisol being capable of raising body temperature, so that can be a factor. Alcohol. So it can be a little bit more complicated and a multifactorial symptom. So what can you do about it? I think this is probably what most women are wondering. You can't always stop them completely, but there are definitely things that you can do to minimize their frequency and intensity. So balancing your blood sugar is a big one. Spikes and crashes can make symptoms worse, especially overnight. Lowering your your stress levels high cortisol amplifies that temperature dysregulation. Reducing alcohol and caffeine. Both are known triggers. Cooling down your sleep environment as much as possible. Lightweight bedding, cooling pillows, cooling sleep wear and then doing what you can to support your hormone balance with things like targeted lifestyle changes. You know, all the things that we talk about on this podcast. Magnesium, certain adaptogens can be helpful. Acupuncture therapy can sometimes be helpful. And for some women, bioidentical hormone therapy or herbs can be helpful. Whenever it comes to supplements, herbs, or medications, it's important to, of course, check with your healthcare provider and practitioner to find the right balance for you. So while you may not eliminate them overnight, you can absolutely support your body and reduce how disruptive they are.

Alicia : 19:19

Next one. Why do I wake up between two and 4:00 AM and can't fall back asleep?

Nicole: 19:25

Yeah. This can be a combination of low progesterone, blood sugar spikes and crashes, and cortisol. Stress being high. Your body gets a stress signal, which pulls you out of deep sleep and kicks your brain into high gear, so your high cortisol can disrupt your body temperature at night. Which plays a big role in getting to sleep and staying asleep. So, there might be a number of factors, but hormones, blood sugar spikes and crashes, and then stress.

Alicia : 19:51

Why do I feel wired at night, but exhausted during the day?

Nicole: 19:55

That's classic cortisol or blood sugar dysregulation. Your circadian rhythm might be flipped. Ideally, cortisol is higher in the morning and lowers at night, but stress, inflammation, late night screen time, late night eating, these can all throw this system off. And if your body is kicking out adrenaline at night from blood sugar issues, that can leave you feeling wired, yet not getting the good quality, deep sleep that you need means that your body hasn't had adequate time to restore, for you to wake up feeling rested.

Alicia : 20:27

Is it okay to use melatonin?

Nicole: 20:30

That's a great question. It depends. Melatonin is a, a hot one. I feel like a supplement that a lot of people use, a lot of people have questions about, and it can be really great. But it's also not for everyone. So it's always my preference to look at the root cause of why melatonin production, your body's melatonin production, might be compromised, and address that factor. So ideally, focusing on supporting your body's natural melatonin production with morning light exposure, low lights night, right? Blocking out that blue light at night. Blood sugar balance, and stress regulation. Those are all really important and key. But sometimes you need a little extra support. And melatonin can be a great option. It has anti-inflammatory and antioxidant properties. It's used often for more than just sleep issues actually too, because of those properties. So, it can actually be a really helpful tool when it's needed, especially for women in perimenopause and menopause. It can support better sleep, but interestingly, there's also research showing that when perimenopausal women took three milligrams of melatonin per day for six months, they also had improved markers of bone turnover. So reduced bone resorption and increased bone formation. So it can help with your bone density too. I will say that when it comes to dosing. Research and studies are kind of all over the place. There are some people that believe the, the really low dose between 0.3 milligrams to one milligram is the best place to be. Some people will say a dose like one to five milligrams is great. but it just kind of depends on the person and what it's being used for. I'm always a big fan of if you're gonna start with something like that, starting at a lower dose. Like if I'm gonna use melatonin, I would start at a half a milligram, for example, or work up to maybe a milligram if it was needed. But that's something that you would work with your healthcare provider on in terms of finding the right dosing. I feel like melatonin is one of those things that people just kind of go for it. They just kind of go pick it up and start taking it without talking to anybody. So you really do need to make sure that it's, it's the right fit for you, because melatonin can impact some medications. There are some antidepressant medications, some diabetic medications, blood thinners that it can interact with, so it, it is really important to make sure that it's the right fit for you, but when it is the right fit, it can be a really helpful and supportive way to improve your sleep.

Alicia : 22:49

Do supplements like magnesium really work?

Nicole: 22:52

Yes. Magnesium is probably one of my favorite supplements because it's such a great calming mineral and a lot of women are naturally just deficient in it. We don't get enough in our diet. There's not enough in our soil for our food to have really great magnesium levels, and if we do have higher stress in our lives, we burn through magnesium quicker. So magnesium is wonderful. Magnesium glycinate or magnesium threonate are good forms for calming the nervous system and promoting deeper sleep. And actually magnesium, along with vitamin B six, is required for GABA production. Remember, that's that calming neurotransmitter that we talked about at the beginning where when our progesterone levels decline, it impacts GABA production and that can impact your sleep. So we actually need magnesium and B six for healthy GABA production Calming herbs like ashwagandha or lemon balm can also be really helpful.

Alicia : 23:47

All right, so let's get into the good stuff. What actually helps us sleep better in perimenopause?

Nicole: 23:52

So let's start with the basics. Sleep hygiene has to be number one, and with sleep hygiene, we're talking about, is your room dark? It really is important to block out all sources of light in your room whenever possible. So a dark room, a quiet room. Minus, you know, like if you have some sort of noise machine, like a white noise or a brown noise. I will say that, for myself, I've shared this before on the podcast, that I have found that brown noise works especially well. So I like a brown noise. Keeping your room cool, 65 to 72, I believe is the ideal sleeping temperature. So you wanna try to keep your room cool, and consistent schedule. Trying to go to sleep and wake up at the same time every day is a really helpful way to support that good sleep hygiene and improve your sleep. I did also create a Brown noise YouTube video. So if you're wanting to try Brown Noise to see if it's helpful for you, you can find that on our YouTube channel and we'll link it below. Anchor your circadian rhythm with morning sunlight exposure, and avoiding blue light at night. So really supporting your body's natural rhythm by being exposed to the right kinds of light at the right time. Morning sunlight exposure, and blocking out that blue light at night really puts you in the best situation to have a healthy circadian rhythm and thus better sleep. So using blue light blocking glasses at night, putting your phone on night shift or bedtime mode. Amber book lights if you wanna read at night. Eating a blood sugar stabilizing dinner. Think protein, fat, and fiber that can help keep your blood sugar nice and stable through the night so that you don't have those spikes and crashes. Cut caffeine by noon. Create a wind down ritual for yourself at night. Dim the lights, stretch. Get rid of the screens. Supplement if needed. Things like magnesium, minerals, calming herbs, b vitamins earlier in the day can help with that GABA production, as we talked about, just don't take them before bed because a lot of times they can be stimulating. Support natural serotonin production with regular exercise, spending time in sunlight, managing stress, and eating a balanced diet rich in tryptophan. So think Turkey, eggs, chicken, salmon, pumpkin seeds, cheese, nuts and dark chocolate. Practice nervous system regulation. This one is huge. Deep breathing, journaling, stretching, yoga nidra. There's evidence that yoga nidra actually boosts GABA production as well. Mouth taping, PEMF mats, grounding, red light therapy. So these are simple ways that you can support your sleep with your routine.

Alicia : 26:41

And from a lifestyle angle, don't underestimate the power of clean sheets. For me and so many others, I know, there's nothing like crawling into a freshly laundered bed. It's just such a cozy feeling. I like to kick off my bedtime routine with skincare. It's my favorite way to shift into relaxation mode. And also brown or white noise can make a huge difference.

Nicole: 27:05

Yeah. For me, it's throwing on the blue light blocking glasses and doing five to 10 minutes of reflection to wind down. If you're not sleeping well, it's a sign your body needs more support and that support can be simple, consistent, and so worth it.

Alicia : 27:19

Start with one shift, maybe adding magnesium or getting outside first thing in the morning and build from there. Sleep is foundational to everything else. Mood, metabolism, memory and glow.

Nicole: 27:32

We'll link our favorite sleep support tools, supplements and nervous system rituals in the show notes.

Alicia : 27:37

And if you haven't downloaded our daily rituals guide yet, it's full of effective practices to support better sleep and more balance. Grab it in the notes.

27:46

Thanks for hanging out with us on Midlife and Glowing. If you love this episode, it would mean the world to us. If you'd follow the show, leave us a review or share it with a friend who's glowing through midlife right alongside you. Let's make it our best era yet. We'll see you next time.