20. Grief and Midlife Health: Coping with Loss & Stress

In this deeply personal episode of Midlife and Glowing, hosts Alicia and Nicole discuss their experiences with grief, focusing on their father who passed away in the summer of 2020 due to stage four stomach cancer. They share how grief has physically and emotionally impacted their lives, including changes in mood, sleep, appetite, and even neurological effects. The episode also delves into how they've coped through self-care practices like therapy, yoga, and connecting with loved ones. They discuss the book 'Signs' by Laura Lynne Jackson and how it helped them recognize signs from their dad since his passing. The session concludes with a poem that encapsulates the enduring nature of grief and love. Whether you've experienced the loss of a loved one, changing life circumstances, or other forms of grief, this episode aims to provide comfort, validation, and hope.

⏱️ Chapters & Timestamps

00:00 Introduction and Personal Grief Journey
01:27 Physical and Emotional Impact of Grief
02:31 Grief's Effect on the Brain
05:19 Navigating Grief in Midlife
06:13 Cherished Memories and Signs from Loved Ones
15:10 Coping Mechanisms and Family Support
18:35 Finding Comfort in Signs and Spiritual Connections
26:43 Unexpected Package
27:44 Signs from Dad
35:19 Profound Book Insights
38:15 Grief in Midlife
39:50 Navigating Grief
43:04 Poem on Grief
46:37 Closing Thoughts

📌 Resources:
📚 Signs: The Secret Language of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson → https://amzn.to/3IqEync

Transcript

Alicia: 0:00

Hey there. Welcome back to Midlife and Glowing. I'm Alicia.

Nicole: 0:03

And I'm Nicole. And today's episode is one of the most personal we've done yet. We're talking about grief. Yesterday marks five years of the beginning of our own grief journeys.

Alicia: 0:13

In the summer of 2020. Yes. That year. Our lives changed forever. Our dad went into the hospital for stomach surgery and we found out it was stage four stomach cancer. We had five weeks with him before he passed away.

Nicole: 0:25

And like so many of you who've lost a loved one, that season brought grief into our lives in a way we couldn't have imagined. It's something that reshapes you, changes the way you see the world, and honestly, it takes time, patience, and support to learn how to live with it.

Alicia: 0:42

So today we're talking about grief, how it shows up in midlife, how it impacts your body and your spirit and some of the ways we've been navigating it since losing our dad. Our hope is that this conversation gives you tools, hope and space to grieve in your own way.

Nicole: 0:56

Just a forewarning. There will definitely be tears and lots of shaky voices because although it's been five years, this is still a difficult topic for us and it still feels pretty painful. We are blessed to have a very tight-knit family, and that makes it all the more difficult as our dad was someone that we either saw or talked to pretty much every day, or very often at least. But we're gonna do our best to share on this topic because it's something that we inevitably all will go through. And knowing you're not alone can help make the process feel less lonely. So let's start with how grief actually impacts us. It doesn't just affect your mood. It shows up in your body in measurable ways. Fatigue, disrupted sleep and appetite changes are common, but the impact goes deeper. Research shows that intense sadness and stress can actually increase gastrointestinal permeability, sometimes called leaky gut. That shift in the gut lining can throw off digestion, weaken immunity, it impacts your hormones. And I mean, we've talked a lot about cortisol on this podcast, and you can bet that's playing a big role here too. And grief can even trigger inflammation throughout the body. It helps explain why grief can make you more vulnerable to illness, slows healing, or leaves you feeling physically drained on top of the emotional weight. And I can't even count how many times I got sick after dad passed, which was the worst time to be sick because of COVID and the fear that everybody had around illness at that time. But I know it definitely impacted my immune system very significantly as well.

Alicia: 2:31

Something I found interesting while we were researching this episode is just how quickly grief impacts the brain. It's not just emotional, it's neurological.

Nicole: 2:41

Right. Your brain actually starts to change within hours of losing someone you love. In those first 30 days, the stress response goes into overdrive. The amygdala, which is your brain's fear and threat center, becomes hyperactive, and as you might imagine, cortisol surges. That keeps your body stuck in that fight or flight mode that we about.

Alicia: 3:01

Right, which explains why in those early weeks I remember feeling so restless, like I couldn't sit still. And then other times I just felt completely numb. You know? It just makes sense that it wasn't me doing it wrong. It was literally my nervous system being overwhelmed.

Nicole: 3:16

Exactly. And that same cortisol surge also impacts the hippocampus, which is the part of your brain that helps store new memories which is why people in grief talk about feeling foggy or forgetting simple tasks. There's actually a name for it. Researchers call it Grief Brain.

Alicia: 3:32

Yes. I remember losing track of time or even forgetting what day it was. Some moments felt frozen and others felt blurred together.

Nicole: 3:40

Yeah, that's another piece of it too. Neuroimaging studies show grief disrupts something called the default mode network, which is the system that helps us process past and future. That's why time feels kind of warped or distorted. Days can feel like weeks or an hour can feel like it's standing still.

Alicia: 3:59

Right, and let's not forget about how grief shows up physically. You know, people say grief hurts, and that's not just a metaphor.

Nicole: 4:08

Emotional pain activates the same brain regions as physical pain does. Like the anterior cingulate cortex That's why you can feel chest tightness, headaches, or body aches. It's your brain processing loss in the same way it would an injury.

Alicia: 4:23

And that's such an important reminder that the exhaustion, the fog, even the physical aches. They aren't in your head, they're part of your body's survival response.

Nicole: 4:33

And while these changes are intense, they're also protective. Over time, the brain does adapt, but it's not about moving on. It's about your brain rewiring so you can carry the grief differently.

Alicia: 4:44

And that's an interesting way to look at it, because when you're in the middle of it, it can feel like you'll never feel normal again. You know? But knowing that your brain is also healing, it gives you permission to be patient with yourself.

Nicole: 4:57

Yeah, just like any injury, your brain needs time to repair, and that's just part of the process.

Alicia: 5:03

And emotionally, it's a roller coaster. You can feel sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness, sometimes all in the same day. And then grief hits you in waves. We call those grief ambushes, a memory, a song, even a smell can knock you down outta nowhere.

Nicole: 5:19

In midlife grief also forces us to face our own mortality and changing family roles. Losing a parent, a partner, or even close friends. It reshapes how you see yourself and what matters most. When you lose a parent or a spouse it impacts your identity even because you lose one of the people who loves you most and that you love most in the world, and that feels like losing a piece of yourself. Then moving forward in life, you feel like a different person.

Alicia: 5:46

Right. You gain a new perspective. It brings things into focus on what's really important. You realize sweating

Nicole: 5:53

the small

Alicia: 5:53

stuff isn't worth it because life can be very short.

Nicole: 5:57

Right. It makes me think of that Wayne Dyer quote. When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change. And after that, everything changes. After something like losing someone so significant in your life, it really does. Everything changes, everything looks different.

Alicia: 6:12

Right. So for us those five precious weeks we had with dad were sacred. We spent time at the farm walking together, often through the cemetery nearby. It's actually where he is buried now. We had so many visitors, friends, neighbors, family, all showing up with food, with stories, with support.

Nicole: 6:33

And dad loved it. He said that just hearing everyone around him was like music to his ears. He was always so humble, but he knew in those last weeks how much he was loved.

Alicia: 6:44

And he was also so inspiring in how he handled it. He had nothing but gratitude for the full beautiful life he lived. He never expressed fear or anger. He was at peace.

Nicole: 6:56

Yes, he was totally at peace. So towards the end, he wasn't very mobile and so we had set up a massage table in the center of the living room, and I was doing just like gentle range of motion stuff with his legs and arms, and he was laying on the massage table looking up at a window that we have in the barn that's really high. And he said as he was laying there, he said, you know, earlier today I was looking up in that window and I saw a monarch. And he got choked up and he said, and it was just so beautiful, and I knew without him even saying it, that he knew he was going through his own metamorphosis and he'd be getting his wings soon. And so now every time I see a monarch, I think of him.

Alicia: 7:50

I feel that with signs too. For me it's black squirrels and I can explain that. You know, during those five weeks I took a leave of absence and I spent all of my time as many of us did at the barn with dad'cause that's where he chose to do his, his hospice and as I was on the way there one morning I saw a black squirrel and I'd never seen a black squirrel before in my life. So I came and I told him about seeing the black squirrel and he told me stories about when he used to cut wood up north and he would see black squirrels. So now whenever I see that black squirrel, I don't know if it's the same one or not, probably not, but I see it every once in a while, I think of him and I think of him with cardinals and blue birds. One weekend he decided that he was an avid woodworker and he loved sharing his passion with others. So he had cut all these boards to make birdhouses with all the grandkids, specifically bluebird houses with all the grandkids. And I had, again, never seen any bluebirds around my house, but for like, I want to say two or three weeks straight,

Nicole: 9:10

I

Alicia: 9:10

have a shepherd's hook right outside of my office window, and a bluebird would come and perch on that shepherd's hook for, like I said, every day for like two or three weeks. And I had never seen one before that. So now I, I will forever think of him when I see blue birds as well. So I feel like, you know, when I see those signs and I'm always looking for them and I'm always open to them. I feel like it's dad saying hi. You know, it, it makes me

Nicole: 9:40

think of him. definitely.

Alicia: 9:41

and another story I wanna share. I was getting ready to head over there and I was blow drying my hair. I'm like, you know what? I'm gonna grab my Bible and bring it over there. And I wanted to read passages about heaven. And it was you, me and mom sitting around Dad, you were telling me, you know, I had you look up which passages would be specifically about heaven. And so we read those passages about heaven to dad. And at that point he wasn't able to speak much. But I remember there was one passage where, I think it was Peter said something about the wife should obey the husband. And I made a comment like, oh, Peter doesn't know anything. Something like that. And he still was able to, you know, laugh about that. And, actually, he ended up passing away a couple hours after reading those passages about heaven. So I think it was, know, it was such a, a beautiful experience and

Nicole: 10:50

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 10:50

I would like to think it gave him some more peace into, you know, reading about heaven and knowing that he was heading there.

Nicole: 11:00

Yeah, definitely. I feel like it seemed to give him a sense of peace too. And dreams, dreams are another thing that kind of hit you. when you're, you know, dealing with grief, they can kind of be unexpected. I remember within the first year after he had passed, I had this one dream and in the dream. I gave him a hug and I remembered in the dream. Sometimes I think we go through life and we forget to be in the moment. You know, like when you're hugging someone and in that dream, I remember experiencing how happy I was and how nice it was to be able to hug him. And I remember waking up and actually feeling like I really had just hugged him. And while it can bring comfort, it can also pull you back into grief all over again too. But that's just part of the grief process. It's, you know, being in joy and then being in pain and, you know, remembering wonderful things like being able to hug him or what that actually felt like and how great that was, and then also being really sad about it. So there's joy and there's pain

Alicia: 12:10

Right. And babies definitely brought him joy. He loved babies.

Nicole: 12:15

Yeah. I mean we'd

Alicia: 12:15

go to church and next thing you know, dad was holding a random baby.

Nicole: 12:20

Dad has someone's baby whose baby is this, who knows.

Alicia: 12:23

No one knows. But, and you know, just thinking about being a mother myself, I don't know that I would let some random person hold my baby, but he did. He just had that presence. You know, we talk a little bit about auras and frequencies

Nicole: 12:41

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 12:42

had that. Whatever an amazing person is. He had that aura, whatever color that is, I don't know. But you felt his energy, you know, his positive energy and, you know, he was a baby whisper. He loved them all. He would, when my kids were younger, he would try to make noise and, you know, wake up the babies'cause he couldn't wait to hold onto them and, and you know, just sit and just cuddle with them. He loved it. So one afternoon in that five weeks, our oldest sister's newborn was sleeping on his chest and later he told us, I got to hold a baby right here. I had the best day. Today was epic, and that was Dad finding joy even at the hardest times.

Nicole: 13:30

Absolutely. That was very clearly something that brought him joy and music was another one. He always was whistling, drumming his hands, tapping his feet to a rhythm. That joy for music is something I hear when I think of him. And he always loved having everyone around too. So much so that he wanted to get you outta bed. And he was an early riser and he always wanted everyone to be up and at'em with him. And in our house when we were growing up, there was a bedroom right underneath the kitchen that I occupied for a period of time, and he really got a kick out of tapping his feet on the floor.

Alicia: 14:09

Oh.

Nicole: 14:09

And trying to make noise so that, you know, really I would get up or anyone would get up to join him. So in fact, I've inherited his love of mornings, and I have a lot of fond memories of being home from college or visiting and getting up early to the smell of coffee that dad had brewed. And just getting to chat and enjoy the mornings together is definitely something that I cherish.

Alicia: 14:32

Yep. and another thing that we all cherish was his phone calls. He was so good about keeping in touch and calling everyone. Sometimes even at 6:00 AM on the weekends, your only day to

Nicole: 14:43

Yeah.

Alicia: 14:43

in, he, you call you at 6:00 AM just to check in as he would say it. and if we wanted to share an example of one of his voicemails, he left me when I was traveling for work. I, After he passed, grief, hit us all really hard. For me, I cope by cleaning and reorganizing like a maniac. it was my way of creating control and order when everything felt chaotic. The key for me was keeping myself very busy.

Nicole: 15:26

Yeah, and I crocheted so much. Crocheting became a form of therapy for me. Actually. It was tactile, repetitive. Soothing. Honestly, you know, being somebody that meditates, I couldn't meditate for at least six months after he passed. It just was too emotionally painful to sit with that in stillness. So I turned to other self-care practices. Like crocheting and walking, of course. Breath work, gentle yoga. And another thing that I found really helpful too was therapy. I started that about six months after he passed and I started going and I haven't stopped. I found it a really helpful way to cope with losing him and kind of navigating that. And I'm still finding it helpful in navigating life in general. Sometimes grief stuff still comes up, of course. But also, you know, it's helpful for so many other things. The support really has made a big difference for me.

Alicia: 16:23

Yeah. And another thing we still continue to get together as a family for playing cards, sharing meals, you know, doing all the things that he would love to do. Loved playing

Nicole: 16:35

cards,

Alicia: 16:36

playing games, just spending time together as a family. So, you know, this is a reminder that coping looks different for everyone and that's okay.

Nicole: 16:46

Absolutely. There's so many different ways to cope and there's no one right way. Everyone has their own process. Another way that we cope as a family is just by sharing memories. Like on dad's birthday, our brother sent a picture of a graham cracker with cake frosting on it, which was one of his favorite go-to treats. Over the Christmas holiday our mom has each one of us kids choose a charity to donate to in dad's honor, and we switch off years of who gets to choose where to donate. And so we have an opportunity every year to really keep his spirit alive during the holidays, which is a perfect way to do it because he definitely was a giver. And, it's a great way to honor him. And it feels like, you know, still keeping him as part of our experience of the holidays.

Alicia: 17:32

Yep. And we just wanna call out that there's no getting over it. Grief is something that stays with you, but you do learn to cope and the intense pain lessens. But after a while, you're able to think about that person without falling apart. But even still five years later, there's still really hard days, and that's just part of the journey.

Nicole: 17:53

Absolutely. There's no timeline when it comes to grief. It's not linear. Psychologists describe it as waves. It comes and it goes and often resurfaces years later. Studies show grief can increase inflammation in the body, weaken the immune system, and even affect cardiovascular health. But research also shows that practices like journaling, gratitude, and social connection are protective.

Alicia: 18:19

Yeah, we definitely felt the benefits of social connection, especially during those five weeks before he passed.

Nicole: 18:24

Just

Alicia: 18:25

being together was healing. And Dad loved having visitors, hearing laughter, hearing stories. For him too that connection was everything.

Nicole: 18:34

Absolutely.

Alicia: 18:35

Hey friends. After we recorded this episode, our mom gave us a book called Signs by Laura Lynne Jackson, and we found it pretty profound. We wanted to share some of our insights, experiences, and takeaways and how it impacted our own grieving process.

Nicole: 18:50

If you're not familiar with it, Signs is about learning to recognize the ways our loved ones may still communicate with us after they've passed. Laura Lynn Jackson is a psychic medium, but the book isn't just about her story. It's filled with examples of people receiving little signals or signs from those they've lost. Things like butterflies, cardinals, coins, or even songs on the radio showing up at just the right time.

Alicia: 19:15

Right. And reading it really opened our eyes to how these experiences can bring comfort. Instead of brushing them off as coincidence, you start to see them as a way of staying connected. For me, that shift was really healing and it gave me permission to embrace these little moments without feeling silly. And although I will say I've always been open and looking for those signs.

Nicole: 19:36

Yeah, same. It helped me reframe the signs I was already noticing. For example, every time I see a Monarch butterfly, I think of Dad. And before I saw those signs as just reminding me of him. But since reading the book, it's more like, it's actually him communicating, showing us he's still with us, just in a different way.

Alicia: 19:57

Right, and I think that's what's so powerful about Signs. It doesn't promise to take away grief, but it helps you carry it differently. You know? It gives you another layer of meaning and understanding that it's a new relationship that you have with your loved one. You just have to communicate with them differently now. And I found that to be really healing.

Nicole: 20:16

Yeah, I agree. As emotionally difficult as it was to read the book, it did bring a sense of healing and comfort. I mean, even though I cried more in the week and a half that it took me to read it than I have in a really long time, it was also really deeply comforting. And I also loved how she talks about being open. When you ask for a sign, and stay open to receiving it, you start to notice things that you might have overlooked before. Maybe they were there before, you just didn't notice them. And that openness itself is healing. It shifts you into a mindset of connection instead of only loss.

Alicia: 20:56

So for us, reading Signs gave us another tool in the grieving process. It reminded us that healing isn't about forgetting, it's about staying connected in new ways.

Nicole: 21:06

Absolutely. so within the first few pages of reading the book, like, as soon as I understood what she was saying. Which is you can ask your loved ones for signs. And as soon as I understood that, I asked Dad for a sign. You know? I was like, okay, cool, let's do this. You know? And obviously, you know, with the story that I shared earlier, monarchs were the first thing I thought of. So I said, okay, dad, send me, send me a Monarch. And so, you know, I finished reading, I'm going about my day. I needed to call our youngest brother but I wanted to be doing things while I was talking to him. So I put my earphones in and before I called him, I wanted to put my music on so that I could be sure that the sound was coming through my earphones. So I put on my Amazon music, and the first song that came up was Charlie Puth's, One Call Away. And I I immediately broke down and started crying only because the words are, I'm only one call away. i'll be there to save the day. Superman's got nothing on me. I started crying because that phrase in particular, Superman's got nothing on That's something Dad

Alicia: 22:19

would've said. He

Nicole: 22:21

would've totally said that. So I just, you know, started crying'cause it reminded me of him. I actually didn't even take it as a sign at that point. So, start crying, turn the music off, call our brother, pull myself together, turn the music off, call our brother. And then I went out for my walk. And you know, as much as monarchs are something that special to me now, you know, because of that situation. I don't see them that often. That's not something that is a common thing to see. And I go for a walk every day you know, if it's above 50 degrees, I'm out there walking. So I go for my walk that day and about three quarters of the way through walk. Over my left shoulder sails this monarch, and he's like flying in front of me for like four or five paces, and then it flew straight up into the sky. You know, there's like flowers everywhere, but it flew straight up into the sky so high that I lost sight of it. I couldn't see it anymore. So thought that was pretty cool. So I finish my walk and I get home. Do my red light, PEMF, and I jumped in the sauna and we've got Bluetooth speakers in the sauna. So, I turned my music on and I have it on random, you know, that

Alicia: 23:35

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 23:36

that I choose, and I've got a lot of songs on there. Okay. So I jump in the sauna and that song played again and. Oh man, song, like the words, a lot of his songs are relationship-y

Alicia: 23:53

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 23:53

about, love and that kind of thing. But like romantic love, this song doesn't have those kinds of lyrics. It's about love

Alicia: 24:01

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 24:01

It doesn't necessarily feel like romantic love. It's, I'm only one call away. I'll be there to say, the day, Superman got nothing on me. That's like the chorus. And then. Call me if you need a friend, reaching out to you so take a chance. No matter where you go, you know you're not alone. I just wanna see you smile. So I'm fucking bawling my eyes out in the sauna, you know, like I'm dripping sweat and tears and it's just like, you know, crying because I'm, I'm hearing these lyrics and then. I lose my mind when I realized the song One Call Away, dad's calls. Like there's something that I miss so much, just his calls to check in. So that was special. And, you know, the other crazy thing about that is, I was thinking about it later, I'd forgotten about this, but Dad had seen, he had actually specifically told me about Charlie Puth must have been on like the voice or something as like a guest coach or something like that. I don't exactly know how those shows work but he must have been on there. And I remember dad telling me about seeing Charlie on there and having this interaction with, a girl that he must have gone to school with. He didn't know her, but I remember him being very impressed with Charlie's character and telling me about that. So I thought that was kind of interesting that that was. You know,

Alicia: 25:28

Sign being sent to you by someone that he had a connection with of some sort.

Nicole: 25:34

Yeah, exactly. So then the next weekend know, sort of struggling with a decision, I'm gonna be starting back up with one-on-one nutrition work, and, I wanna make sure that my work life balance isn't impacted and I wanna make sure that I'm making the right decision I mean, I know in my heart I am, but there's just that kind of, is this the right thing to do right now? And, you know, that's one of the things that she says about signs is you can ask your loved ones or your, she calls them your team of light, which are like your spirit guides or angels, if you will. And I'm like, okay, send me another sign. Let me know that this is, you know, the right move for me in that, she talks also a lot about your highest path, choosing your highest path. So I just wanted verification, confirmation and, reassurance that I'm on the right track. so I go out for another walk. And again, I'd been for walks all week and hadn't seen another monarch, and again, and monarch flies right over my head flying in front of me. Then I get home and. I am doing my thing. Chris was at work and I hear there was a package delivered. So I go look at the package. I figured it was for Chris'cause I was like, I didn't order anything. And I look at the package and it's a box and it was addressed to me. I was like, well, that's weird, isn't it it said it was from educational services or something. I'm like, well. I did some certifications and, you know, trainings recently, maybe they sent me something with the, you know, I don't know. And I go in the kitchen and I open the box and as soon as I open the box, the first thing I see is this book with bunch of monarchs on it

Alicia: 27:12

No way.

Nicole: 27:14

It was a Monarch Grow Kit

Alicia: 27:18

What.

Nicole: 27:18

so it was how to raise monarchs. So there was this book with monarchs all over it. Like how to raise monarchs, and then there's a milkweed plant, and then there's these things with like caterpillars. I'm like, what in in the actual F is this? I texted to Chris, I'm like, did you order this? Like, did you send this? He's like, no, but cool. So one person well, I mean, you know, I've shared the Monarch story before, but one person knows that they're like really special to me. Our cousin'cause on her birthday she said she was going to a butterfly

Alicia: 27:55

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 27:56

oh man, monarchs remind me of my dad have so much fun, you know, and uh she's like, cool, I'll look for a monarch for you, for your dad. So she knew that they were special to me. I was like, this, a butterfly outside of my window right

Alicia: 28:12

Oh my goodness.

Nicole: 28:14

I have my like, shade clothes, so I can't see if it's a monarch, but I see it flying right on the other side.

Alicia: 28:20

Dad's with us.

Nicole: 28:21

dad's with us, he's here. So I sent her a text and she doesn't respond for a couple of days, but I'm like, it happened. it was her

Alicia: 28:28

Oh my gosh, she's so sweet.

Nicole: 28:31

she's

Alicia: 28:32

timing. Wow. I,

Nicole: 28:33

The timing right. I was like, oh my gosh.

Alicia: 28:39

I think you got your signs.

Nicole: 28:42

I got my signs. Yeah. And also after reading the book, I actually looked at that dream a little bit differently, that dream about getting to hug dad. you know, dreams are so weird and as I was sharing earlier, a lot of times we go through life and we're just not paying attention. We're not totally in it, in the and that dream just felt like so real. Like, I actually got to hug Dad. And kind of what she's saying about dreams is that because your mind is actually open. You know, she talks about needing to be receptive and open to receiving signs. And when you're sleeping, you're in a more receptive state. And she said people that have passed often use dreams as a way to communicate. So. I thought that was, when I read that part, I was like, oh wow. That kind of changes

Alicia: 29:37

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 29:38

dynamic of that dream a little bit, and that it gave me what felt like one more chance to hug dad. So it changed it a little bit for me, which I thought again was

Alicia: 29:52

Yeah,

Nicole: 29:53

Yeah.

Alicia: 29:53

really special.

Nicole: 29:55

It was,

Alicia: 29:56

So my experience with the signs in reading the book, she does tell you like, be very specific about your signs. Like ask for something specific. You know, it could be like, you know, she said somebody asked for a purple elephant, or, you know, something that you may not see every day. If you really want to get that, like for sure this is the sign from them because how often are you gonna see a purple el elephant or you know, whatever. So,

Nicole: 30:24

Yeah.

Alicia: 30:24

know, she's like, be very specific about the signs that you're asking for. And I was like, oh gosh, there's so many signs. And I was like a little overwhelmed and like I had all of these signs flashing through my mind like, okay. The black squirrel, the rainbows, the monarchs, you know, so many different things. You know, like feathers can be signs, you know, all these things. So all the signs that she talked about and like that I already have thought of as signs with dad, like, ran through my mind. I'm like, dad, gimme a sign. And like, I was not specific. I was kind of just like all of those signs ran through my mind. And you don't need to speak them. You can speak it in your mind. You don't need to speak it aloud. You can, but you don't need to. You can speak it in your mind. So, you know, I went to bed kind of thinking that like all the signs, you know, like I couldn't narrow it down. I'm like, I'll think more on it, whatever. So I went down in the kitchen that morning and there was a glass in my sink and with how the sun was shining. There was a rainbow in my sink.

Nicole: 31:32

What?

Alicia: 31:33

Yes.

Nicole: 31:34

Oh my gosh.

Alicia: 31:35

I'd never, you know, like you see that often, like, you know, through glass, whatever. But that had never happened before in my sink that I've noticed. Um, and it was just, and normally we don't even have dishes in the sink. You know, somebody had left a glass in the sink overnight and there was that rainbow, and the signs just kept on going all the next day and a half I saw that black squirrel. I had not seen it in so long since the first time I saw it and, you know, went to the barn and told him about it when he was on hospice. To that day, that was the fourth time I had ever seen a black squirrel, and it was, you know, it was on the side of the road as I was coming home. And I was like, oh my gosh, a black squirrel. And mom and my daughter were in the car with me and I was driving, and they're like, oh my gosh, you scared me. I'm like, you know, and I'm like, well, you know, I attribute, I think of dad when I see this black squirrel because I don't ever see it. So I got that black squirrel and then we went to the little farmer, which is like a apple orchard. You know, you get your caramel apples, whatever. And I saw a monarch, and then when I came home I couldn't, I mean, the wildlife was insane, like my backyard was teeming with wildlife and you know, like we do get a lot, but like there was, the birds were flying everywhere. There was birds everywhere. There was a blue jay, you know, which I do think of dad, because it was a blue jay and he had blue eyes. There was, when I was getting in the car, there was a feather in the grass right where I was getting in. And then when I got out, you know, when I came back home, it was still there. Like it had not flown away.

Nicole: 33:29

Right.

Alicia: 33:29

Then deer came in, you know, which we have a lot of wildlife, but in that time there was so, so much wildlife, like more than normal. And a fawn basically came up to our back door, like it, they don't ever get that close. And it had basically come up to that back door. And then, I had been gone and I came home and I turned on the light and the light flickered. And she

Nicole: 33:59

Yeah,

Alicia: 33:59

that out as being a sign. So like I saw so many signs

Nicole: 34:04

he

Alicia: 34:05

he sent to all of them. Yes,

Nicole: 34:07

I got

Alicia: 34:08

yes.

Nicole: 34:10

Oh

Alicia: 34:10

and that was just all I noticed, you know, like. You can't it. And she does say in the book, like, sometimes you even miss the signs that they send, so they have to keep on sending you signs. So

Nicole: 34:21

Right.

Alicia: 34:23

just wild. It was wild because, you know, I was like, I'll try to be more specific and think about what sign I really wanna ask for. And you know, all, they were all like going in my, yeah. And then I, I

Nicole: 34:37

of

Alicia: 34:37

saw them all.

Nicole: 34:39

he would've done.

Alicia: 34:40

Yes.

Nicole: 34:41

Oh man.

Alicia: 34:44

I found so much comfort in those, you know, like two days

Nicole: 34:50

yeah.

Alicia: 34:51

just receiving all of those signs,

Nicole: 34:53

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 34:54

was, man, that was pretty cool.

Nicole: 34:57

Yeah.

Alicia: 34:57

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 34:59

and you know, like you can't help but cry because it's emotional, but like on such a healing level.

Alicia: 35:06

Right.

Nicole: 35:07

knowing that your relationship with that person doesn't have to be over. It's just different now.

Alicia: 35:13

Yep. It just, You have to

Nicole: 35:15

I

Alicia: 35:15

communicate with them differently now.

Nicole: 35:17

yeah, it's, yeah. What a gift This book is like, seriously, this book, it's called Signs You Guys and. I mean, I look at things I, I will, this is, has been profound. I definitely look at things a lot differently reading that and I can't wait

Alicia: 35:33

For sure. to read

Nicole: 35:33

her one. She's got another book coming out soon called Guided, and I can't wait to read that one too,

Alicia: 35:40

Yeah, I even was when she was talking about she does readings with people. I'm like, oh my gosh, how cool would that be? I,

Nicole: 35:47

I know I saw, I actually went to her website to see about doing it, but I, I don't know if the link was broken on my phone or if maybe she's not doing readings anymore. I don't know, but I am with you a percent

Alicia: 35:58

yeah.

Nicole: 35:58

I thought it'd be

Alicia: 35:59

And the thing that I found wild is like they test their level of like, clairvoyance, there's a lot of different clair- things. So like they're able to test these to make sure that they're like legitimate

Nicole: 36:14

Right.

Alicia: 36:14

like they certify these people,

Nicole: 36:17

Yeah.

Alicia: 36:18

that are the psychic mediums and it's,

Nicole: 36:20

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 36:21

it's wild. I truly believe this, and I, you know, some people will think it's hokey, jokey, but man, even just the peace it brings you, like, how would you not want to believe this?

Nicole: 36:33

Right. Yeah, I, couldn't agree more. and how she presents her views on what she calls the other side. I think a lot of people also call it heaven. Right? just this concept that we are all connected, and she shares a quote from Rumi that I just really love and it's, it's a perfect depiction of how she describes love and our connection with one another. the Rumi quote is, love is the bridge between you and everything. And, I actually would also like to go back and read her first book, which was

Alicia: 37:08

The

Nicole: 37:09

Light Between Us,'cause I think she Because I think talks about that, more about the connection that we have between each other. You know

Alicia: 37:15

I

Nicole: 37:15

had heard

Alicia: 37:16

you

Nicole: 37:17

know you and the word and you're

Alicia: 37:20

just like

Nicole: 37:21

yeah but I Right. what thought about can of this it's an interesting interesting a

Alicia: 37:28

very

Nicole: 37:29

Mm-hmm. between and everything so beautiful. a lot

Alicia: 37:32

I thought definitely

Nicole: 37:34

Uh

Alicia: 37:34

depiction

Nicole: 37:34

of uh you again, it was it's

Alicia: 37:38

an

Nicole: 37:38

emotional beautiful sure. It, it, especially if you've lost someone and Oh sure uh you know it I don't read for

Alicia: 37:48

sure.

Nicole: 37:49

It it

Alicia: 37:49

especially if you've lost someone

Nicole: 37:52

and

Alicia: 37:52

you're reading it it is you

Nicole: 37:55

can't

Alicia: 37:55

I don't know how could emotional I mean, it gives you goosebumps, like you know, because she's telling her experiences with other people in, you know, stories of connection with lightworkers or their loved ones. it's, it's just it really brings you peace your loved So we've been talking about losing our dad, but we know grief in midlife takes so many forms. Losing a parent, a partner, a friend, or even grief over changes in your own health, your body, or your life circumstances.

Nicole: 38:31

Grief isn't always about death. It can be about the loss of roles, routines, dreams, or even jobs. In midlife those layers of grief start to stack up, and that's why self-care and support are so important.

Alicia: 38:46

Grief changes you, it breaks you open in some ways, but it also deepens compassion, gratitude, and clarity about what really matters.

Nicole: 38:55

Our dad modeled that so beautifully. He was humble, generous, always learning whether it was his woodworking, raising bees or caring for his cattle. Family was incredibly important to him and his role, not just as father of five and husband or papa to 13 grandkids, but also his role as brother to nine siblings and son were all roles he was so proud to have. He was also a business owner and his employees were important to him, and he treated them like family, and always had an open door policy and treated everyone with respect from the cleaning staff to higher level executives. And he always had a positive spin on situations, even when things were tough. That's what we'll carry with us.

Alicia: 39:38

So if you're walking through grief right now, know this, you're not alone. Your way of grieving is valid. Take the space you need and remember it's okay to hold joy and grief at the same time. I found a few passages from a book called Pretty Painful Grief Letters by William Hunter Howell, on TikTok that explain the emotions of grief so well, and I wanted to share a few of these with you. There are two stages of grief, who you were before and who you became after. Losing someone you love doesn't just break your heart. It breaks your rhythm. Everything around you keeps moving, like nothing happened. While you're frozen in the moment, everything changed. So you start learning how to carry an invisible weight, how to smile while aching, how to show up while shattered.

Nicole: 40:28

How

Alicia: 40:28

to breathe despite every breath, feeling like a broken rib. And sometimes, the hardest part isn't the pain. It's knowing that no one else can see it. When they died, everything changed. I changed. My relationships changed, my body changed. My mind changed. How I lived my life changed. Where I put my energy changed. My whole world has changed. Every aspect of it now looks and feels different. Grief is never just one emotion. It's love, sadness, anger, guilt, longing, emptiness, all at once. Love that has nowhere to go. Sadness that settles in your bones. Guilt for what you did or didn't say. Anger at the world for moving on. Longing that aches in places you didn't know could hurt. It's all of it. Layered, entangled, and overwhelming. One moment you feel okay, and the next a memory knocks the air out of you. It's never linear, never predictable. Just a quiet chaos that lives underneath everything.

Nicole: 41:38

We'd love to hear how you honor or remember your loved ones, or if you'd like to share what has helped you navigate your experience of grief, we'd love to hear your story there too. Come share with us on TikTok or YouTube, and if you need support, don't hesitate to reach out for help, whether that's therapy, a friend, or simply a safe space to rest. And also, we wanna thank you for allowing us to share a pivotal experience in our lives and talk about someone that shaped who we are today. As hard as it was, it was nice to remember and talk about our dad, and we thought it was an important conversation because we know you may be able to relate with losing someone just as impactful in your life. So thank you for being with us today. We hope you found comfort in just knowing that you're not alone in this experience.

Alicia: 42:26

Because grief is part of life, but so is healing and so is love. During the five weeks we had left with dad, my boys had just graduated high school and were gonna be moving out east to play hockey, and live with a billet family. And we moved them out there and came right back. And, you know, I told the billet mom what was going on, you know, and that it was, you know, the boys were kind of going through a hard time and we'd definitely have to fly them home soon for a funeral and that family was amazing that year. They were such a blessing. And she sent me this poem, and I don't know where it came from, but it perfectly summed up what grief feels like, and we'd like to end this episode with it. All right. Here goes, I'm old. What that means is that I've survived so far. And a lot of people I've known and loved did not. I've lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, coworkers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. I have no children and I can't imagine the pain it must be to lose a child. But here's my 2 cents. I wish I could say you get used to people dying. I never did. I don't want to. It tears a hole through me whenever someone I love dies. No matter the circumstances. But I don't want it to not matter. I don't want it to be something that just passes. My scars are a testament to the love and the relationship that I had for and with that person. And if the scar is deep, so was the love. So be it. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are a testament that I can love deeply and live deeply and be cut or even gouged, and that I can heal and continue to live and continue to love. And the scar tissue is stronger than the original flesh ever was. Scars are a testament to life. Scars are only ugly to people who can't see. As for grief, you'll find it comes in waves. When the ship is first wrecked, you're drowning. With wreckage all around you, everything floating around you reminds you of the beauty, and the magnificence of the ship that was and is no more. And all you can do is float. You find some piece of the wreckage, and you hang on for a while. Maybe it's some physical thing. Maybe it's a happy memory or photograph. Maybe it's a person who is also floating. For a while all you can do is float. Stay alive. In the beginning the waves are a hundred feet tall and crash over you without mercy. They come 10 seconds apart and don't even give you time to catch your breath. All you can do is hang on and float. After a while, maybe weeks, maybe months, you'll find the waves are still a hundred feet tall, but they come further apart. When they come, they still crash all over you, and wipe you out. But in between you can breathe, you can function. You never know what's going to trigger the grief. It might be a song, a picture, a street intersection, the smell of a cup of coffee. It can be just about anything. And the wave comes crashing, but in between waves, there is life. Somewhere down the line, and it's different for everybody, you find that the waves are only 80 feet tall, or 50 feet tall, and while they still come, they come further apart. You can see them coming. An anniversary, a birthday, or Christmas, or landing at O'Hare. You can see it coming for the most part, and prepare yourself. And when it washes over you, you know that somehow you will again come out the other side. Soaking wet, sputtering, still hanging onto some tiny piece of the wreckage, but you'll come out. Take it from an old guy. The waves never stop coming and somehow you don't really want them to. But you learn that you'll survive them. And other waves will come and you'll survive them too. If you're lucky, you'll have lots of scars from lots of loves and lots of shipwrecks.

46:37

Thanks for hanging out with us on Midlife and Glowing. If you love this episode, it would mean the world to us. If you'd follow the show, leave us a review or share it with a friend who's glowing through midlife right alongside you. Let's make it our best era yet. We'll see you next time.