24. Midlife Mindset Myths: Rewriting the Scary Stories

In this Halloween-week episode of Midlife and Glowing, Alicia and Nicole shine a light on the scariest thing of all: the stories we tell ourselves in midlife—and how to rewrite them. We unpack common limiting beliefs (“I’m invisible now,” “It’s too late to change,” “I don’t recognize my body,” “Everyone else is doing it better,” “I should have it all figured out”), why they show up in perimenopause, and simple, science-informed ways to shift your narrative so you can feel calmer, stronger, and more like you.

You’ll hear how chronic negative self-talk impacts stress and brain health, plus practical tools—awareness journaling, reframes, evidence-collecting, self-compassion, and community—that actually change how you feel day to day.

Chapters / Timestamps

00:00 Welcome & why “spooky stories” matter in midlife
02:00 Mindset, cortisol & cognition—why thoughts aren’t “just thoughts”
04:00 Five recurring midlife narratives we’re rewriting
08:00 Choosing your response (Viktor Frankl), comparison traps & social media
12:00 “I should have it all figured out by now” + real-life examples
14:00 What’s driving these narratives: hormones, transitions, culture
15:00 The toolkit: awareness, reframing, evidence, best-friend voice, journaling, community
17:00 Recap, reflection prompt & where to connect

📌 Resources Mentioned:
📚 The Law of Attraction by Esther & Jerry Hicks → https://amzn.to/4qA83nV
📖 A Changed Mind by David Bayer → https://amzn.to/4qgbgZh
🌟 Daily Glow Rituals Guide → https://stan.store/thedailyglowlife/p/daily-glow-rituals-guide

Follow us on TikTok/YouTube: @midlifeandglowing

Transcript

Alicia: 0:00

Hey there. Welcome back to Midlife and Glowing. I'm Alicia.

Nicole: 0:03

And I'm Nicole. And since it's Halloween week, we thought it'd be fun to play with a little seasonal theme, but instead of ghost stories or haunted houses, we're talking about something way scarier for midlife women. The stories we tell ourselves.

Alicia: 0:15

Right. We all have them. Those quiet, sneaky little narratives that creep in and make us question our worth, our bodies, our health or our future. And if we don't catch them, they can feel scarier than any horror movie.

Nicole: 0:28

So today we're pulling those stories out of the shadows. We'll talk about the most common fears and limiting beliefs that haunt midlife women, why they show up, and how to rewrite them into something supportive and empowering. Here's the thing, your brain is wired for story. It's how we make sense of the world. But in midlife, when hormones shift, roles change, and our bodies feel different. The stories we tell ourselves can easily turn negative

Alicia: 0:54

All right, so let's talk about why these stories even matter, because you might be thinking, it's just something I tell myself. Does it really make a difference?

Nicole: 1:02

The answer is yes, big time. Neuroscience shows that when you tell yourself a story often enough, your brain processes it almost like a real experience. It wires it in as truth.

Alicia: 1:13

Right, which means if you're always saying, I'm too old, or it's too late, your brain starts looking for evidence to back that up, and you end up reinforcing the very story that keeps you stuck.

Nicole: 1:24

Exactly, and it's not just mindset, it's physiology. There was a study in the Alzheimer's and Dementia Journal that found repetitive negative thinking, actually raised cortisol levels and was linked to higher risk of cognitive decline. So those scary stories you tell yourself aren't harmless. They're literally stressing out your body.

Alicia: 1:43

That's huge. And it makes me think of something Brene Brown says, you are the stories you tell yourself. Our narratives shape, our sense of identity and possibility.

Nicole: 1:53

And the flip side is true too. A 2019 study in health psychology found that women who believed aging meant decline, had more physical symptoms and even did worse on memory tests compared to women who believed aging could mean growth.

Alicia: 2:07

Wow. So just the way you frame your experience of aging changes how you feel and function. That's so powerful.

Nicole: 2:14

Carol Dweck's research on growth versus fixed mindset, nails this. If you tell yourself I can't change, or It's too late, you stop trying. You stop taking action, and you kind of live into that self-fulfilling prophecy.

Alicia: 2:29

Right, and here's the good news. Your words can work for you too. There's research showing that positive affirmations actually lower stress biomarkers after something stressful. So the little things, gratitude, journaling, reframing your self-talk, they're not fluffy. They're tools that literally shift your biology.

Nicole: 2:48

Yes. This is why we wanted to do this episode because we can rewrite the scary stories we tell ourselves. We are the authors of our own lives. We can change the narrative to be more positive and growth oriented. The thoughts you think, about anything, your health, wealth worth, et cetera, aren't trivial. They create your reality. Buddha said, we are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world. And Marcus Aurelius said, our life is what our thoughts make it. And there's a couple books I've read in this last year that really talk about this very idea that our thoughts create our reality. And those are The Law of Attraction by Esther and Jerry Hicks and A Changed Mind by David Bayer. So if this idea is interesting to you, those are some books that you can check out. But the bottom line is that thoughts matter. So we gotta stop putting these scary stories on repeat in our minds.

Alicia: 3:42

Let's start naming some of these thought patterns that might be sabotaging our growth. Because when you shine a light on them, they're not so scary anymore. I'm invisible now. Many women feel unseen in midlife, especially in a culture that glorifies youth.

Nicole: 3:58

It's too late to change whether it's your health, career, or relationships. That feeling of the best years are behind me is such a common one.

Alicia: 4:08

Yeah you know I think we so often get stuck in that because you think, oh, I didn't learn this or do this when I was younger. I can't do it now. But that couldn't be further from the truth. Like, you're never too old to make changes or, you know, try something new. You know, we've talked about this before.

Nicole: 4:26

mm-hmm. Yeah. We've talked about that woman that started lifting weights like in her fifties or later, I can't remember when.

Alicia: 4:32

it was even in her seventies actually.

Nicole: 4:34

Yeah. So, you know, that's an example. And sometimes you'll see too on the news, like someone that was in her seventies, eighties, whatever, finished college or did something like that. You know, it's all a mindset. It's never too late to do something that you want to do that you feel passionate about that brings you joy. So that is definitely a, a scary story we gotta wipe from the slate.

Alicia: 4:57

Yes, definitely. Another one, I don't recognize my body anymore. Hormonal shifts, weight changes and aging skin can fuel a lot of negative self-talk.

Nicole: 5:08

Yeah, this is definitely a big one. And this is a tough one too, because you know, what we see is a lot of our identity. So when you, when you look in the mirror and you see something that, you know, you don't identify with anymore, that's a tough place to be.

Alicia: 5:26

It is, and you know, it's all normal. Like we're going through a big change right now and things with our body are gonna go along with that change. You know, it's, it's inevitable. And if you're lucky, you get to age.

Nicole: 5:41

Right. That's a really great reframe for that, um, that scary story is that it's a privilege

Alicia: 5:48

And I think that if you reframe it like that, and also as, wow, look at all that my body has done and is able to do. All that I'm capable of with this body. You know, that can shift that mindset as well.

Nicole: 6:03

Mm-hmm. Yeah. You know, I actually was just, I don't go on social media very often, but I just happened to pop on there recently and I saw this video from a young man. He was, I don't know how old he was. I'm going to guess maybe, maybe in his early twenties. He was in a wheelchair. I don't know what condition he had, but he was like, he had the most beautiful message. He was like, you know, I know most people would look at me and think that I have a hard life, but I really have nothing to complain about. I have a great life. And he said something like, I think that God said, I'm gonna give this life to Jamie because I know he can handle it. So he kind of took the approach of. God gave me this life for a reason. You know, I'm meant for this life.

Alicia: 6:54

That's such a beautiful way to look at it.

Nicole: 6:57

yeah, it really was. I just was like, oh my,

Alicia: 6:59

so often you can feel really sorry for your self In those situations, you know, you, you're like, I have wrinkles, i've gained weight. I can't fit in my clothes, and you can feel sorry for yourself. But on the other hand, you're so capable

Nicole: 7:13

Right.

Alicia: 7:14

you're able to kind of shift that and make the life you choose to have.

Nicole: 7:20

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 7:21

some things you can't change. I mean, obviously if you're in a wheelchair, that's likely something you're not able to change, but you know you can change the way you think you are in charge of your thoughts.

Nicole: 7:34

Right. That just makes me think of, Viktor Frankl said something along the lines of like, you know. When he was going through the most horrific thing you could imagine, in the concentration camps, his, you know, wife and family had just been killed. And he said that he kept peace because he realized that the only thing that he had control over was something that they couldn't take from him, which is his response, his perspective, his outlook. And so he chose to keep that one thing that he still had control over and no one would ever be able to take away. As what helped him move forward and, and maintain, you know, a positive attitude in a time when you would think, like, how could anyone. So I think that's powerful. Our thoughts matter. Absolutely. And we have the ability to choose,

Alicia: 8:30

reframe them.

Nicole: 8:31

That's a great way to put it. Yeah. Okay. Another one. Everyone else is handling this better than me. Comparison likes to creep in, especially on social media. This is one reason I personally tend to avoid social media. I mean, every time I I go on there, I often end up feeling, you know, either like, I'm not doing enough or I'm behind, or something like that. Of course that's not always the case. I just shared an example of somebody that was really inspiring that I found on social media. But, you know, comparing ourselves to others is going to end up making us feel less than.

Alicia: 9:09

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 9:10

and,

Alicia: 9:11

taking

Nicole: 9:11

all the inspiration from people today, but I, it makes me think of, Mel Robbins. She had said something about like, you know, when I find myself feeling jealous or, or comparing myself to someone, I just reframe it into. Oh, that's interesting. You know, like being interested in that feeling of jealousy or, or comparing to somebody else and, and seeing it as an opportunity like, well, that must be important to me. That must be something I care about. And then looking at it as an opportunity, well, that person did it, which means it's possible for me too. So

Alicia: 9:43

Oh,

Nicole: 9:44

that's a great

Alicia: 9:45

yeah,

Nicole: 9:45

that's a great way

Alicia: 9:45

to look at it.

Nicole: 9:47

I love her.

Alicia: 9:47

Oh yeah, Mel's the best.'Cause this one, like, it's so easy to fall into, you

Nicole: 9:53

It is.

Alicia: 9:54

and also it matters on who you surround yourself with too. Because if you know, you're surrounding yourself with people who always are liking to keep up with the Joneses, and then all of a sudden you turn around and you're like, who even am I? Like, I don't care about this stuff. Why do all of a sudden I care about this stuff?

Nicole: 10:10

Right.

Alicia: 10:10

know? So I have had that in my life along the way where I'm like. Why am I all of a sudden caring about this? This is never anything that I cared about before.

Nicole: 10:20

Right.

Alicia: 10:21

take a look around and you're like, okay. I

Nicole: 10:23

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 10:24

it's time for me to step back. This isn't working for me.

Nicole: 10:27

This is

Alicia: 10:27

not who I am. This is not, you know, I, I don't care about, you know, what gossip is going on with so and so. You know, it's

Nicole: 10:36

not anything

Alicia: 10:37

that I ever cared about before. Like, why all the sudden am I getting sucked up in this trap? So,

Nicole: 10:43

Right.

Alicia: 10:43

Just also have to be careful with who you're surrounding yourself with.

Nicole: 10:47

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 10:48

that energy matters. You know, we talk about

Nicole: 10:50

energy

Alicia: 10:51

you know that energy matters and you know, you're, what is it like, what is that saying? You're only good as the people you

Nicole: 10:57

Oh,

Alicia: 10:58

yourself with or something like that?

Nicole: 10:59

The five people you most surround yourself with. Yeah.

Alicia: 11:03

Yeah. So definitely, be selective.

Nicole: 11:07

Yeah. Be intentional, right.

Alicia: 11:09

Yep. And then the last one, I should have it all figured out by now. That pressure to have the perfect balance of family, career, health, and happiness by midlife. You know, I think it's so easy to, again, kind of getting back to the other one, you're looking at other people and think, oh, well by this point in my life, I should have all of my life pulled together, right? Everything should be sorted. I should know what's, you know,

Nicole: 11:37

Yeah,

Alicia: 11:38

But just because you're a certain age doesn't mean you need to have it all figured out.

Nicole: 11:43

right.

Alicia: 11:43

You know, some people, I mean a lot of people can make huge career changes in midlife and start from the ground up.

Nicole: 11:53

Right. Yeah, we just mentioned Mel, and in her book, I think it was the five second rule, she mentions that, you know, at the age of 41, she shared the story that she was like in debt, she didn't know where her life was going and like all of this, and now look at her like she is such an inspiration to millions of people has, you know, New York Times bestsellers and I was reading stories of people that had attended her she just did a let them tour and all of the people's stories were just so amazing. So she's a perfect example, you know, like we put so much pressure on ourselves to be perfect to, you mentioned keeping up with the Joneses to be at a certain place at a certain time and you know, we just have to take it as it comes and Yes I mean, take action. Certainly that doesn't mean you could just expect it to all fall into place but

Alicia: 12:44

It takes hard work

Nicole: 12:45

it does. It does and

Alicia: 12:46

you have to be willing to put in that work.

Nicole: 12:49

Right.

Alicia: 12:50

You can't expect it to just

Nicole: 12:52

be given

Alicia: 12:52

to you.

Nicole: 12:53

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 12:54

you have to take action, but

Nicole: 12:55

Yeah.

Alicia: 12:56

you know, you don't have to have it all figured out. I mean, when we started.

Nicole: 13:00

Mm-hmm.

Alicia: 13:01

We had no idea what we were doing,

Nicole: 13:03

Right,

Alicia: 13:03

days we still don't. But you know what, it's okay. You

Nicole: 13:06

right.

Alicia: 13:06

it's,

Nicole: 13:08

But yeah. And here's the thing, those stories are not true. They're just thoughts. But when you repeat them enough, they feel like facts.

Alicia: 13:18

So let's talk about why these stories show up in midlife.

Nicole: 13:22

Yeah. So a few reasons. First, hormones. Lower estrogen, progesterone, and even testosterone all affect your brain chemistry, your confidence, and even how your nervous system responds to stress.

Alicia: 13:35

Then there's transition. Kids are leaving home, aging parents, career shifts. Midlife is packed with change, and change always brings uncertainty. It can be very scary.

Nicole: 13:47

Yeah. And don't forget cultural messaging, right? We've been told for decades that it aging is decline, that youth equates beauty, it's no wonder those scary stories get stuck on repeat because we're hearing them everywhere, over and over again.

Alicia: 14:01

So here's the fun part. If we can tell ourselves these scary stories, we can also tell ourselves supportive ones.

Nicole: 14:09

Yes. It's about catching the thought, questioning it, and then reframing it. For example, instead of I feel in visible now try, i'm free to be more authentic than ever.

Alicia: 14:22

Instead of, it's too late to change. Try, i'm just getting started.

Nicole: 14:27

Instead of, I don't recognize my body. Try, i'm learning to support my body in this new chapter.

Alicia: 14:34

And sometimes it's not about flipping it into a positive, it's about curiosity. Asking, is that thought really true or what would I tell a friend who said this?

Nicole: 14:44

Yeah, Research even shows that gratitude journaling, affirmations or simply practicing self-compassion can literally rewire your brain to quiet negative self-talk. We say all the time that a lot of these things sound simple, too simple, but we keep hearing them because there's some truth to them.

Alicia: 15:02

Okay, so we've unpacked the scary stories, but what do we do with them? How do we stop the spiral?

Nicole: 15:09

The first step is awareness. You can't rewrite a story you don't even realize you're telling yourself. A simple tool is just to notice your self-talk, like catch yourself in the moment when you say, I'll never figure this out, or I'm falling apart.

Alicia: 15:23

Yes. Almost like hitting pause. You could keep notes in your phone or a journal to shine some light on what your personal thought patterns are. Seeing them written out makes it so obvious and sometimes even a little funny how dramatic the story sounds in your head.

Nicole: 15:38

Another tool is reframing. When you notice the story, ask yourself, is this a fact or is it a fear? Then shift it to something more supportive. For example, instead of, I'm too old to start. You could reframe it as I have more wisdom and experience now, so starting today is smarter than starting 20 years ago.

Alicia: 15:57

I love that. And reframing doesn't mean pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows. It just means finding a version of the story that's true and helpful.

Nicole: 16:06

Yeah, exactly. Another tool is evidence collecting. If your story is, I'm not strong anymore. Go find evidence to the contrary, maybe you carried all the groceries in one trip, or you finished a workout you didn't think you could. Write those wins down. That way you're building proof against the negative story.

Alicia: 16:24

And that's huge. And sometimes for me it's asking would I ever say this to my best friend. If the answer is no, then why am I saying it to myself? That check-in can help soften your language?

Nicole: 16:34

That's so good. I love that. We definitely need to be talking to ourselves like we would be talking to a best friend.

Alicia: 16:41

Mm-hmm.

Nicole: 16:41

And journaling can be another powerful reset, even just five minutes to brain dump the scary story. Then consciously rewrite it into a supportive one. It's like editing your own script.

Alicia: 16:54

Yeah. And I've also found community makes a difference. Talking to other women and realizing, oh, I'm not the only one telling myself this scary story, takes away so much of the shame.

Nicole: 17:04

Yes, because shame thrives in silence. And when you share, you often realize other women see you in a much more positive light than you see yourself. Borrow their perspective until you can believe it yourself.

Alicia: 17:16

So just to recap, notice the story, reframe it, collect evidence for a new one. Check in with how you'd talk to a friend, journal and lean on your community.

Nicole: 17:27

Exactly the scary stories lose their power when you start shining a light on them. And actually the book a Changed Mind highlights a very similar framework. It works.

Alicia: 17:38

So this Halloween, instead of focusing on ghosts and goblins, let's shine light on the stories that haunt us.

Nicole: 17:44

Because when you shift those inner narratives, you don't just feel better, you start living differently. You create more space for joy, confidence, and possibility.

Alicia: 17:53

And we'd love to hear from you. What's a scary story you've been telling yourself, and how are you ready to rewrite it?

Nicole: 17:58

Send us a DM on TikTok or YouTube at midlife and glowing. And if you haven't yet, grab our free daily glow rituals guide. It's full of small supportive practices you can layer into your day.

Alicia: 18:09

Thanks for joining us this week. We'll be back with another episode to help you glow through midlife. No tricks, just treats.

Nicole: 18:16

Happy Halloween.

Alicia: 18:17

Thanks for hanging out with us on Midlife and Glowing.

Nicole: 18:20

If you love this episode, it would mean the world to us. If you'd follow the show, leave us a review or share it with a friend who's glowing through midlife right alongside you.

Alicia: 18:28

Let's make it our best era yet. We'll see you next time.