31. Calm in the Chaos: A Midlife Guide to Holiday Peace

In this episode of Midlife and Glowing, Alicia and Nicole open up about the real pressures midlife women face during the holiday season — the mental load, emotional expectations, disrupted routines, and the physical stress that hits even harder during perimenopause.

They share why the holidays can feel overwhelming for women who already juggle careers, caregiving, family dynamics, and hormone shifts — and how to reclaim joy through grounded rituals, nervous system support, boundaries, and intentional rest. From simplifying gatherings to balancing sugar and alcohol, planning ahead, and staying connected to what truly matters, this episode is packed with practical, calming, midlife-friendly strategies.

If you’re craving a gentler, more meaningful season — one that honors your energy instead of draining it — this conversation will help you breathe deeper, slow down, and find presence in the moments between the chaos.

⏱️ Chapters & Timestamps
00:00 Welcome + Why the Holidays Feel Overwhelming
01:00 The Mental Load, Midlife Hormones & Holiday Stress
04:00 Letting Go of Perfection + Redefining the Season
06:00 Cortisol, Overcommitment & Nervous System Support
08:00 Practical Tips to Simplify Gifting, Hosting & Planning
11:00 Traditions, Delegation & Making the Season Meaningful
14:00 Giving, Gratitude & Emotional Connection
15:30 Small Rituals for Calm: Breathwork, Joy & Presence
17:00 Final Thoughts: Protect Your Peace This Season

📌 Resources
✨ Daily Glow Rituals Guide → https://stan.store/thedailyglowlife/p/daily-glow-rituals-guide
A simple set of restorative practices to help you regulate stress, calm your nervous system, and stay grounded during even the busiest seasons.

Transcript

Alicia 0:00

Hey there. Welcome back to Midlife and Glowing. I'm Alicia.

Nicole 0:03

And I'm Nicole. And since we're officially in the middle of the holiday season today, we're talking about something that most of us, especially women in midlife, struggle with this time of year finding calm in the chaos.

Alicia 0:14

And the holidays can be magical, but they can also be a lot. The decorating, the planning, the shopping, the family dynamics, the cooking, it's easy to get so caught up in doing all the things that you miss, the actual joy of it.

Nicole 0:28

Yeah, and for many midlife women, the holiday season also brings a mix of emotions. Nostalgia for years past, pressure to create perfect moments, maybe even loneliness or grief if loved ones aren't here anymore. So we wanted to have an honest conversation about protecting your energy, managing stress, and reconnecting with what this season is really about.

Alicia 0:49

Let's start with why the season can feel so overwhelming in the first place. You know, I think a part of it is the mental load. You know, we're managing everyone's expectations, coordinating schedules, making sure gifts are ordered, meals are planned, and everything looks beautiful and it's a lot.

Nicole 1:08

It really is, and there's actually research showing that women carry the majority of the holiday burden. A 2022 survey from the American Psychological Association found that. 41% of women report increased stress during the holidays compared to other times of the year, while only 28% of men said the same.

Alicia 1:27

That definitely checks out. Uh, I'm not saying my husband isn't willing to help me, uh, but

Nicole 1:35

Right.

Alicia 1:36

pretty much do everything.

Nicole 1:38

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of women out there can probably relate to this

Alicia 1:42

Mm-hmm.

Nicole 1:42

add in shorter daylight hours, less sleep, more sugar, alcohol, and disrupted routines, and it's no wonder our energy and mood can take a dip.

Alicia 1:51

Yes. And if you're already navigating perimenopause or menopause, those fluctuations can make it even harder to regulate your mood or energy. So if you're feeling off, it's not all in your head. it's your physiology on top of all the pressure.

Nicole 2:04

I think a big part of reclaiming your peace this time of year comes from redefining what the holidays actually mean for you, not what everyone else expects them to be.

Alicia 2:13

I love that, and the older I get, the more I realize that the holidays don't have to look like a Hallmark movie to be meaningful. You know? For me it's more about creating moments of connection, than picture perfect memories.

Nicole 2:25

Yeah, it's that shift from performance to presence. Instead of trying to make everything look perfect, focus on what actually feels good. Ask yourself, what do I wanna remember about this season? That question alone can be grounding.

Alicia 2:38

And that might mean simplifying things like fewer gifts, but more quality time. Or skipping the fifth holiday party so you can have a quiet night at home. You know, I think back to when my kids were younger and we were killing ourselves, trying to make it all the family gatherings, you know, it, it really took a lot of the fun out of the season because we're always in a hurry rushing around, you know? And that's when we decided that we were only going to do one gathering a day. And if we did Thanksgiving with his family one year, then we would celebrate Thanksgiving with my family on that next Saturday and then switch off every other year. And this took a lot of the stress and pressure out of the mix, you know, 'cause Thanksgiving, we were doing a lunch with his family, or you know, vice versa, and then dinner with ours and we were like an hour away, so it was just. It was too much. It took the fun out of it. So we kind of came up with a compromise, you know, so we weren't having to rush off and, you know, feel like we were missing out and, you know, excluding. So, you know, that really kind of helped and, and when you can find the balance,

Nicole 3:44

Yeah,

Alicia 3:45

that really takes a good bit of pressure and stress out.

Nicole 3:49

yeah. Rushing and trying to fit in all the things can really make the season feel a little less magical, We need to remember that saying no without guilt is an act of self-care. Your worth isn't measured by how much you do or how perfect your holidays look.

Alicia 4:03

Okay, let's talk about what actually is happening in the body when we're in the holiday hustle mode.

Nicole 4:08

When you're stressed, rushing, overcommitting, skipping meals or overindulging in unhealthy food choices or alcohol, sleeping less probably, your cortisol goes up. Short term, that's fine. But if it stays elevated for weeks, it leads to fatigue, inflammation, anxiety, weight gain, and even immune suppression, which is exactly why so many people get sick right after the holidays. And you know, if we're being honest, most of us are probably in that high cortisol situation even before the holidays. So just adding more stress to the mix only worsens that scenario.

Alicia 4:44

Right, and that makes total sense. You're basically running on fumes for weeks and then crash the moment you slow down.

Nicole 4:51

Yeah, so the key isn't to eliminate stress, that's unrealistic. We all know that. But to balance it with intentional rest and nervous system regulation.

Alicia 5:00

So things like deep breathing, walking outside or inside, taking a bath, or even putting on relaxing music, all of those are ways to tell your nervous system you're safe and you can relax.

Nicole 5:11

And that's what we wanna help women do this season, honor their own energy and set themselves up to enjoy the holidays, not just survive them.

Alicia 5:19

All right, let's get into the good stuff. What can we actually do to create a calmer, more joyful holiday season?

Nicole 5:26

Okay. Tip number one, protect your morning routine. Even if it's shorter this time of year, keep something grounding to start your day. Maybe that's a few deep breaths, a five minute meditation or just drinking your coffee quietly before the day starts.

Alicia 5:40

Yes. That little bit of quiet before the chaos makes a huge difference, and for me, number two would be set realistic expectations. If you're hosting, it doesn't have to be perfect. People remember the laughter, not the tablescape.

Nicole 5:54

So true. Number three, be mindful with sugar and alcohol. Both can spike cortisol, crash your blood sugar and make hot flashes, mood swings and sleep worse. You don't have to skip every treat. Just balance it with protein and hydration.

Alicia 6:09

Yes. And number four, say no with kindness. This is a big one for midlife women. You don't owe anyone your constant availability. Protecting your peace is the greatest gift you can give yourself and everyone you love.

Nicole 6:23

And number five, make time for movement. Even gentle walks or yoga can help lower excess stress hormones and boost your mood. It doesn't have to be a full workout, just something to keep your energy flowing. Even cleaning your house or doing laundry are great ways to stay moving while also getting the things done that you need to get done.

Alicia 6:42

I'll add one more. Nourish your senses. put a fire in the fireplace, diffuse essential oils. Brew a cozy cup of tea, or play your favorite nostalgic holiday music or movie. These sensory experiences are what make the season feel cozy and grounding.

Nicole 6:58

Okay, now we wanna give you a quick list of ideas to streamline some of the things that can be a big source of stress during the holidays. First up, ask for gift lists earlier. Start shopping earlier so you're prepared.

Alicia 7:11

And we like to use Elster. So you know, like anyone on your list can go into Elster and put in gift ideas. The links right there, you can mark it as purchased. It makes it so easy. So we, we love using that.

Nicole 7:25

And we do that like before Thanksgiving so that we can all be kind of prepared ahead of time.

Alicia 7:31

Maybe that's an

Nicole 7:31

idea for you, for next year, but it does help.

Alicia 7:35

mm-hmm. In fact, I'm constantly adding to it and we use it for birthdays too, so it's great just to kind of have a rolling gift idea list right there.

Nicole 7:44

Yep.

Alicia 7:45

plan out holiday meals ahead of time. Whatever you can freeze, prep it early and pop it in the freezer so it's ready to go when you need it.

Nicole 7:53

Yeah, a little preparation takes a lot of stress out of things.

Alicia 7:58

Definitely, and there's nothing better than to, you know, like being able to just go in the freezer and pull it out. It's like, okay, done. You know, when you have a little bit of extra time

Nicole 8:09

Mm-hmm.

Alicia 8:09

and are able to do that. Oh gosh, it makes a huge difference.

Nicole 8:13

Make a spreadsheet of everyone you need to buy for and the spending limit, and keep a running list of everything you bought for that person to keep yourself organized. Again, same thing with, you know, food prepping ahead of time, being organized ahead of time. Gosh, this makes such a huge difference in your stress level.

Alicia 8:30

Mm-hmm. And I'll even go in and like. Kind of have a wrapped column, so then I'll indicate whether it's wrapped or not too. So just having that organization is, is huge.

Nicole 8:41

Mm-hmm.

Alicia 8:41

If you don't love wrapping or find that that's a source of stress and you know, someone that loves wrapping, you could hire someone to wrap your gifts. Or if you are starting to shop earlier and are. Like wrapping the gifts as they come in. It's not so much at once. Um, my daughter loves wrapping and I actually don't mind it, but she loves it. So she definitely helped me out last year with wrapping, even though I was fine 'cause I, I don't mind wrapping. But mom was a little overwhelmed with all the rapping she had to do, so my daughter went and helped her and she loved it. She loves wrapping, so you know, if you have someone that can help you, you know, or you can even do it together. You can have a wrapping party. you know, that kind of takes the stress out of it and makes it more fun. You know, put on a movie, put on some music, whatever it is, have a conversation and that makes it a little more fun.

Nicole 9:33

It does, and it is the kind of thing you can do, you know, while you're either watching a movie or, having a conversation with someone. I mean, it's, you know, it makes it more fun. Definitely the same thing is true for decorating. Hire someone to help you or have a party, you know, make a day of it and try to make it as fun as it can be, if it's something that you don't like to do. Some people love it, you

Alicia 9:54

Mm-hmm.

Nicole 9:55

I guess it's all about what you make it too, you know, like Chris and I'll usually throw a either a Christmas movie on or put on some music if you just make it an experience, it's a little bit easier. But again, you could hire someone or have people over and lure them in with food. Hey, I'm gonna have dinner here if everybody helps me decorate. know?

Alicia 10:14

Yeah, definitely. I will say that when the kids were younger and it was more like, oh, I need to make this magical for them, and we had a little less time, you know, things were a little bit busier then. You know, and you had that extra pressure of like, wanting to make it magical for them. That was when I didn't like it so much because it was just too much. You know, I didn't have the time but I, had to do it, you know? but now. We're not running around with, they're older. So I actually don't mind it. You know, it's fun, you know, turning on the music and sometimes my daughter will help me. But, I do enjoy it. It is fun, but it's not for everyone. And you can make a fun day out of things that feel a little bit more like a chore. Like if you're going to get a tree, maybe have a meal and games after, or pick up pizza or have a holiday movie and music playing while you decorate it. it's all in what you make of it.

Nicole 11:11

same thing here. You can make a day of making all your Christmas treats. We have a tradition of a yearly bake athon so we can enjoy the process instead of it feeling like. A little bit overwhelming with one person having to do, you know, a lot of the different baking for our, combined holiday get together. This is something that I actually, I'm not as close, so I don't typically every year get to enjoy the bake athon, but I did last year and it was really fun.

Alicia 11:35

Yup. It's definitely fun. We have our favorites for sure, and it makes it so much more fun to do this together

Nicole 11:42

mm-hmm. Yeah.

Alicia 11:44

And if the thought of like picking out your outfit stresses you out, plan 'em out ahead of time so you're not stressed when it's time to get dressed and you're scrambling and trying on all the clothes and then you have a pile of clothes laying all over 'cause you can't make up your mind. I've definitely been there. So if you can do it ahead of time so it, you're not rushing and stressed. And also a quick side note, if you need help figuring out your personal style so you can dress with intention, check out the Midlife Glow Edit, which is our style guide for midlife women.

Nicole 12:15

It's definitely worth a look and it, it makes choosing what to wear feel a lot easier in addition to freezing meals or treats, other meal prepping can go a long way in keeping you on track with your health and energy. Being prepared is key, as we've said. Plan your grocery trips and menu and keep healthy snacks handy too.

Alicia 12:33

Keep your calendar updated so you know all your commitments and can plan ahead of time accordingly and make sure to plan in those fun holiday experiences as well. Like going to see the lights, maybe going to a holiday play or concert. You know, we've done the Nutcracker and Trans Siberian Orchestra in years past and it had a blast. So don't miss out on the fund too.

Nicole 12:52

And speaking of the calendar, make sure to schedule your exercise and self care into that calendar too, so you're not missing out on your own wellbeing during the holiday season.

Alicia 13:03

If you're hosting and the house has gotten away from you, don't be afraid to hire the help you need, whether that's a cleaning service or catering. You don't have to do it all. You can even ask everyone that comes to bring a dish to pass.

Nicole 13:15

When it comes to parties, think ahead and have a clear plan for non-alcoholic drinks for times when you need non boozy options. You know, I think one of the biggest ways to bring calm back into the holidays is to reconnect with why this season matters in the first place.

Alicia 13:30

Yes, the reason for the season, and it's not about the stuff, it's about connection, gratitude, and joy. You know, I think when we slow down and focus on presence over perfection, that's where the magic lives.

Nicole 13:42

Totally. And if you remember from our episodes on gratitude and giving, there's actually research showing that generosity and gratitude boosts serotonin and oxytocin, the feelgood hormones, so giving from the heart, expressing appreciation, or simply being kind all create physiological, calm.

Alicia 14:00

I love that. It reminds me of the saying, the best gifts don't come wrapped. They come from your heart. And I think that's the essence of the spirit we all wanna capture.

Nicole 14:09

Absolutely. Whether it's baking for a neighbor, volunteering, or just calling someone who might be lonely, those little acts of kindness keep the season grounded in what really matters.

Alicia 14:20

Yeah. You know, I, when I was in Girl Scouts, gosh, or brownies, I'm not sure this was a million years ago. You know, around Christmas time is definitely when. and It's not just Girl Scouts or brownies, anybody, but I'm saying like that program specifically, I remember like around the holidays is when we did those acts of service. You know, I, I remember going in and singing Christmas carols at a nursing home, or, you know, you ring the bell at the Salvation Army, or what else did we do? Go to like a food bank and help there. You know, there's all different kinds of acts of service that you can do, and it's especially impactful around the holiday season if you have the time.

Nicole 15:04

Mm-hmm. Right. Yeah. If you have the time, if it feels, you know, like it is going to work for you. There's so many ways to add in kindness and, support for others too. Like we said, even just calling someone that, you know might be a little bit lonely. you know, it all works.

Alicia 15:21

Okay, so let's close with a few small rituals or habits that can help you stay grounded this season.

Nicole 15:27

Okay, here are a

Alicia 15:27

Mm-hmm.

Nicole 15:28

evening reflection. Before bed think of three good things from your day. It rewires your brain for gratitude instead of stress. slow down your breath. Try the extended exhale breathing technique. Inhale for four. Exhale for six. It instantly calms the nervous system. Create tech-free moments. Put your phone down during meals or while watching a holiday movie with family. Be there. Get outside even 10 minutes of sunlight or cold fresh air helps reset your circadian rhythm and boost mood. Pick one non-negotiable joy, whether that's a cozy night inn, baking cookies, or quiet time to read, schedule it and protect it.

Alicia 16:10

Yes. These are such good reminders. Protect small joys because those are what fill you back up.

Nicole 16:16

So as you head into the holidays, remember, you don't have to do it all. You just have to be present for what matters most.

Alicia 16:23

Exactly. The season isn't meant to drain you. It's meant to fill you up. So give yourself permission to slow down, breathe, and really experience the beauty around you.

Nicole 16:33

This time of year can be fast, but joy lives in the pauses, the laughter, the gratitude, the little moments of stillness in between the chaos.

Alicia 16:42

So whether you're wrapping gifts, cooking, or sitting by the tree with your favorite mug, take a second to soak it in. That's the glow we all need this season.

Nicole 16:51

And if you need a little help staying grounded, don't forget to download our daily glow rituals guide. It's packed with quick restorative rituals you can do anytime, even during the busiest season.

Alicia 17:01

Thanks for spending part of your day with us. We hope this episode gives you permission to slow down, protect your peace, and truly enjoy the season.

Nicole 17:09

And remember, it's not about doing more, it's about being more present.

Alicia 17:12

Happy holidays and we'll see you next week on Midlife and Glowing.